sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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Living The Life I Want

I was right about taking a bazillion calls yesterday. I double-checked with my boss and it turns out I took 95 calls total yesterday! That was the most of anyone working yesterday. The next highest was 60. My calls only lasted an average of 3 minutes where as the others I was working with had average calls of 5+ minutes. So I am the service super woman! Although I was one tired woman by the time I got home last night, I was still kind of wound up from having to deal with what I lovingly refer to as “stupid bankers.” If you are a banker, you are not automatically stupid. Oh no. I am not referring to you. The bankers I refer to as “stupid bankers” have to earn this title by repeatedly asking me stupid and redundant questions, calling me back three or 4 times on the same issue, and other such stupid behavior. For instance, one banker insisted it was beneath him to have to fill out a form to change a customer’s address and beneficiary information. He insisted the customer would consider this unnecessary and would end up closing their annuity account over filling out this information. This is the first time I have EVER heard this argument. Usually, bankers insist on having customers fill out forms for every tiny little thing. Filing out and signing this form protects the customer from fraud. I tried to explain this to the banker but he got more and more belligerent and insistent that he WOULD NOT fill out the form. The louder and angrier he got, the quieter and more pleasantly insistent I got. He finally said he would fill out the “Stupid” form and have the customer sign it. OK then. This is what constitutes a “stupid banker”.

I got home and Supe was at his men’s group meeting. I was still kind of wound up, so I decided to move our bedroom around. He had been wondering if his illnesses weren’t partially the result of sleeping so close to a drafty window. So, I moved my bed to the space next to the window and his bed closer to the bedroom door. It is somewhat crowded, but it looks good. I think it will work out better for him as he is now closer to the door and does not have any obstacles to navigate around to get to the door. I did not notice any difference in temp sleeping next to the window, but I tend to be a warm sleeper and enjoy a cooler bedroom. I did have a weird dream though. I dreamt I was brushing my teeth and had to spit into the sink. When I did that in my dream, I must have also did it in real life as I rolled over on my pillow and rolled into wetness! Yuck! I also had my first dream involving a Diarylander…Deadsoon. Never met him…never read him…don’t know anything about him other than he’s Lobsterchick’s friend. I can’t remember what I dreamed about either…but I do remember dreaming about Deadsoon. Weird.

I had my appointment with the nurse clinician today. I was kind of disappointed. I was told to get there a half hour early, so I arrived at 8am on the button. They took my paperwork and had me sit in the waiting room. The first thing I notices was that the chairs in the waiting room were very generous! They know their clients and cater to them. So I sat comfortably waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I waited 45 minutes before the nurse came to get me. To be fair, I guess she was going over all my paperwork, but still…I was getting anxious. When my name was finally called, I went with a nurse to a back room. There I was measured for height and weight and had my photo taken. For posterity purposes only, here are my numbers: Height: 5ft 7in, Weight: 361lbs, BMI: 57. Yikes! They also took a picture of me and measured my arms, hips and waist.

I met with Heather, the nurse clinician and she said I had to lose 17 or more pounds before the surgery. This is not only because the radiology equipment can only hold 350 or less, but also because losing weight beforehand shrinks the liver so the doctor doesn’t have to make such a large incision and doesn’t have to move too much around to operate. In addition, it just makes for a speedier recovery. I also have to join WW for 3 months. Since I was in WW for 3 months back in 2002, I only have to be with them for three more months! Finally, I have to meet with a psychologist for my psych eval. I called a woman off the list who operates in Golden Valley, which is not far from here. I left a voice mail and have not yet heard back from her. I hope she calls me back soon because all the other docs on the list are on the St. Paul side of the metro. I just do not want to have to drive all over kingdom come for this, so here is hoping I hear from her soon.

After the psych eval is sent back to my doctor, they will give my info to the surgeon and he will meet with me and schedule my surgery! Yay! This is all pending insurance approval of course. It seems like it’s going fast, but I am told it takes 6 months to a year, so I am not getting too excited yet.

The nurse also gave me a booklet to read over. It has all the details, in depth. All the life style changes I will have to implement, all the risks, the details on what I eat, for how long and when I can start each new cycle. As I was reading it, I got a little bit anxious. I have never been able to keep myself on any lifestyle-eating plan for any extended length of time. Can I do this? Can I make these changes? Is it worth it? What if something bad happens and I die or am rendered impaired of ill for a long period of time? I know I’m just going through the normal thought processes for this. It probably sounds a lot harder than it will end up being…but still. I need to consider everything before moving ahead. I have to consider the costs of the vitamins I will have to take everyday for the rest of my life. I have to consider the fact that I have to take vitamins every day for the rest of my life. Within 2 months of my surgery, I need to be walking up to 2 miles a day! Huh? I can barely walk two blocks now. I am not scared of the surgery itself, but I am scared of the recovery. When I had my gallbladder out, it took my longer to come out of the anesthesia than they thought it would and I was all tired and loopy and annoyed at them chattering at me. I hate that.

I have to be off work for 10-16 days….that means this surgery is my vacation this year. No big deal for me, but can I ask Supe to make that sacrifice? He is going to Florida for a week in Feb to see his nephew, so I told him to consider that his vacation. We may end up being able to get away for an extended weekend or two this summer, so it might not be so bad.

So many things to consider and to take into consideration. I need to read more in that book and maybe talk to some people who have had it done and see what they say. I just want to get real answers and not glossed over assurances. This is for life…hopefully for a better life than the one I have now. I see commercials of people running, jumping, biking and riding carnival rides and I want in on that life. I want to run with my kids, wrestle, and play. I want to be able to get on a bike and bike around my city and state. I would like to do the AIDS bike from Duluth to St. Paul. I want to be able to be strong enough to take care of Supe. This is the life I want to live. Will this surgery help me to get there? That’s what I am hoping for.

12:54 p.m. - Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2004
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