sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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No One Will Be Home, But Still I Must Clean

Well the van purchase is on hold for at least a week now. Supe leaves for Florida on Saturday and I leave for the Southern Parts of Wisconsin tomorrow. So we will sit on some of the info we've received and pray about it and get back to it all when Supe gets back.

In the meantime, I have written to every TV/Radio/News outlet, state, local and federal representative outlining our story and asking for help with purchasing a van. We'll see what comes back. I may then strike out and write to every talk show host I can think of to see if we can get on and make a plea to the public. You know it never hurts to ask.

Today has been frantic. Mostly catching up on work from when I was sick and making sure everything is done before I leave. Then errands at lunch and now more errands after work.

Tonight is weigh in at WW. I may have lost a couple of pounds, but not much. Although when I was sick, I wasn't eating much at all because my appetite was off. So, we'll see.

I'm nervous about going home and eating in front of my family. I guess I do have issues there. I am afriad they will be watching everything that goes into my mouth and judging me for it. I have a weird fear about that. I just have to remember this whole thing didn't start overnight...it's all a process and I just have to keep at it. But it's mine to own, no one else's and I will have to be the one to control what I do or don't eat and I will have to be the one who also owns the consequenses of those decisions. Man it's hard to be grown up.

Tonight it's all about packing and cleaning up the pad. A friend is going to look in on our kitties on Sunday, so my anal-retentiveness requires a clean apartment, clean litter boxes and even clean sheets on the bed. I hate coming home to a mess and old sheets on the bed.

So, that's it. Don't know if I will update while I'm gone or not. If not, look for me on Monday.

Have a great weekend and keep us in your prayers re: the van situation.

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A Year Ago Today: February 19, 2003 Dreams of Russia and the Common Loon

I havenít wanted to write for the past couple of days. Actually, if the words had just magically appeared, that would have been fine. I just did not want to go through the motions of writing.

I have been having a bad week. Nothing big has happened...just lots of little things that have been annoying the heck out of me.

One weird thing did happen this week. Monday morning I woke up remember a dream I had had. In my dream, SB was traveling to Russia. I donít remember why. He had his passport and I was going crazy trying to find our camera so he could take pictures while he was there. It seems we had to raise $9200 for him to go, but we must have since he was going and we didnít seem worried about it or anything. I woke up and told SB about the dream. The said, \"Thatís weird, I dreamed I went to Russia too!\" Now that IS weird. We donít have plans to go to Russia. We do have friends who live there and we support an orphanage in the Ukraine...but other than that, there is no good reason we should have both dreamed that SB went to Russia. What is up with that?

SB (Sweet Baboo) and I had a nice, if somewhat mellow Valentine's Day. He sent the most beautiful flowers to my office and that was nice. I feel so loved and cared for when he does that. Like heís making a statement to the world that he loves me. He had to work V-Day night, so I just chilled with a glass of wine and some stuff I had taped that week.

Saturday we slept in and SB went to work for a few hours. When he got home, we went out for a nice dinner at the Timberlodge Steakhouse. When we got there, they said it would be an hour and a half wait! We took the pager thingy back to the truck and waited there to be paged. The front lobby of this place was packed with people and the bar was worse. It ended up that we only had to wait about 40 minutes. We had a nice dinner and a great time.

I start knitting lessons tonight. I canít wait! I hope Itís not me and 12 little girls/teenagers. But if so, so what? I want to learn to knit and tonight I get my first lesson.

I canít shake the blahs though. I feel so much apathy lately. I feel like I could blow off work and not show up and not care about the consequences. That only works if you have other means of support, which we donít.

Maybe I need a vacation. I have entered a few contests to win a trip to Mexico. That would be ideal! We donít have the extra cash to pay for a trip there ourselves. We are planning our summer vacation and socking cash away for that trip now. We are going to a resort on some Northern MN lake. We are looking at resorts with private cabins on the water and boats to use for fishing. I like the fishing part, but I hate the baiting and taking the fish off. But what I look forward to the most is the loons. Have you ever heard a real MN loon call? Oh man! Itís the best! I LOVE the loon calls. Loons are fairly shy and can dive underwater and will stay there for a long time if scared. They live in and around MN lakes during the warm summer months but take off for warmer climates at the end of September, beginning of October. I usually get to hear them once per summer and Itís just NOT enough. Anyway, maybe Thatís what I need...just to hang out with the loons. Imagine sitting on the banks of a lake at dusk. The water turning bright orange-y red and purple. The tide rippling over the sand and through the rushes. Imagine a crackling camp fire throwing warm sparks and dancing light. You are sitting in an adirondak chair with your head back, eyes closed, a cup of coffee close by. The lightning bugs are flitting by as the crickets begin their evening song. Then, all of a sudden, from across the lake comes the sound of a loon. First one, then another and then a third begins his haunting tune. It would be almost frightening if you didnít know what it was. But as it is, Itís amazing and beautiful. A sound of summer in MN. Ahhhhhhh.

6:03 p.m. - Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004
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