sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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A New Call Record!

Happy Anniversary Holly and Anton!

It has taken me so long to post because we are insanely busy!

A new call record for me. Yesterday, I took 142 calls between the hours of 9am and 7 pm. I stayed late to help with the calls, so I also made a little overtime pay, woo hoo! Our office took over 500 calls yesterday and we are expecting much the same today. I got home exhausted, went to bed exhausted and though I slept really well, still woke up exhausted. Thank God tax day is only once a year.

I had a weird and disturbing dream last night. Itís the second time Iíve dreamt of leaving my husband for someone else. The first dream was just a few nights ago and I dreamt that I was a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. Except on this version, all the players stayed and played for a weekís worth of prizes and money. We were all holed up in the same hotel, just doors down from one another. One of the other contestants was an attractive black man who was going through a divorce, but it wasnít yet final. He came on to me and I found him really attractive. We made out for a bit and ended up in his room. Iím not sure where Supe was in the dream but I was married to him because I knew what I was doing was wrong and would hurt him, but I did it anyway. I woke up before anything had been resolved.

Then, last night, I dreamt that my high school boyfriend and I were getting married. It didnít matter that I was still married to Supe and my high school boyfriend was still married or committed to the woman he was with. Oh no! We were planning a wedding. We even had a party for all our friends and family so they could meet and at the party, we auditioned bands to play at our reception and sampled food from different caterers. Erin from ejshea.com came to the reception to take samples and hear the auditions for her upcoming wedding too. My high school boyfriend wanted to get married right away, but I kept postponing it because I did not want to hurt Supe. I kept thinking it was wrong, but that high school boyfriend and I were meant to be together, so there was nothing I could do. I woke up before the first band auditioned. So disturbing.

I havenít seen high school boyfriend inÖover a decade at least. But in my dream he looked much the same as he did in high school except he was a little pudgier and had a comb over. Yeah, a comb over. In my dream I remember thinking that would be the first thing to change once we were married. Hee.

Speaking of looking older. I am old. It just hit me last week that I am old. I went to Brazil 20 years ago this summer. 20 years ago! There are kids who were born in 1984 that will be 20 this year!!!!! That freaks me out. 80ís music is more than 20 years old! How is that possible? When did that happen? Also, I get the school publication from the college (Go Panthers!) I went to from 1986-1989. I donít know anyone in it anymore, so I always look at the alumni news section. This time, there was an article about the annual Pacesetter Awards for outstanding alumni. One of the winners of the award was a guy I went to college with and I was so excited to see his name, I quickly scanned the photo to see what he looked like now, imagining him as I remembered him in college; slim, tall, lots of blond hair, etc. I looked and looked but didnít see anyone that resembled him as I remembered him. Finally, I looked at the photo and matched the names to each award winner and when I got to his, I gasped audibly. So much so, that Supe was worried something had happened. Nothing had happened except a guy I went to college with, now looks like my great uncle! He has gained a little bit of weight. He's not huge by any stretch of the imagination, but he has filled out quite a bit since our college days. He's also lost a lot of hair and what hair he has, is no longer blond. He no longer looks like a California surfer on holiday in landlocked SD. He looks like a dad. Which, Iím sure he is. Heís also a reverend. It was a HUGE shock to me. We are all getting older. SFC is now USF and doesnít care that we were the first cougar riders, or that we played murder in the dark in Jordan Hall and the fine arts center or that we snuck up to the roof of our dorm and laid out there one night watching stars. I canít believe that was 14-16 years ago. There are kids that old getting ready to go to college and that is how long itís been since I was there.

I guess what Iím saying is that it hit me hard that Iím no longer part of the young, hip, styling college age crowd. I am now of the generation that drives mini-vans, whose kids play soccer, who are worried about their 401Ks and their retirement accts. My generation is the one that is now carrying the burden of social security, that tells kids to turn that music down, that wonders what ever happened to Mindy Cohen from The Facts of Life. I am of the age when college athletes and drama stars look like your great uncle Francis. Bummer.

Hey! When did M&Ms change their color? Supe had some last night and the yellow was crazy bright/florescent and the blue was much brighter too. What is up with that?

Did you watch the Swan? The girls ended up very beautiful, but I wish there was a way we women could learn to see ourselves and feel beautiful without all the surgery. It just seems so wrong that we have to cut ourselves up, make ourselves over and add balls of water to our boobs to feel attractive. I am the same way, but it feels so wrong. Speaking of: Only 40 more days until the surgery.

BANKERS! Do NOT give our number to your customers. That is lazy customer service. We are here for YOU to call. Also, please do NOT chew gum, breathe into the phone or eat while calling our office. And PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE introduce yourselves so we know who in the heck we are talking to. Thanks. This has been a banker service announcement.

I cannot WAIT until tax time is over.

---------------------A Year Ago Today: April 14, Itís 85 degrees today and Itís a bad day Today is a day that I hate myself. I hate being me. More on that later...

I spent all weekend inside due to my bout with a sinus infection. I felt dizzy and blechy all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I did get to sit out on our patio at least. It was such a nice weekend weather-wise and it seemed to do me some good to breathe in the fresh air. So, that was nice. It was a little cooler on Saturday than it was on Friday or Sunday. Sunday was by far the most beautiful of all the days.

Sweet Baboo was going through cable TV withdrawal so he decided to call our cable provider to see if they would offer us a deal on standard cable. They did...$25.00 for 6 months! Then it would go back to $45.00. Well, we thought that we would check it out for 6 months and then go back to basic cable. I just donít see how 50 some channels is worth $45. Anyway, we got the added channels and so far it really hasnít been all that great. Just some more channels with nothing on them. We may not last the whole six months.

Sweet Baboo is going to school! He arranged with the ministry training school at our church to attend one class this spring in exchange for work-study at our church. He is taking a Christian Maturity class on Tuesday afternoons. His work-study is to work in the church media room on Sunday mornings and Tuesdays before or after class. He is so excited about this! If he does well this spring, he can go full time in the fall and these credits transfer to all the major Christian schools in the area! Yay Honey! This is really his dream and seeing it come true is truly a delight.

OK, so today. I still feel somewhat crappy. Not crappy enough to stay home. And really, I hate staying home. My bosses give me crap when I am sick. Just because they come in when they are coughing, barfing, and spreading what they have to everyone else, they expect the same from me. I just do not work well like that. Anyway, there is always stuff waiting for me when I get back and they usually end up calling me at home anyway.

So I came into work today. On the way, I had to stop at the quick mart to get some gas. I filled up and then went inside to get some stuff. I needed to get 2 birthday cards for some office mates and then a card for our veteran agent who found out last week that he has bone cancer. I had purchased him a get-well card when he was in the hospital...but that did not seem fitting now. I managed to find a sympathy card that did not mention death or dying or anything of that sort, but instead mentioned friendship, comfort, and grieving with him. I found that vastly more appropriate.

Anyway, I also purchased birthday muffins for the birthday gals and a little treat for me for breakfast. I got the register and the guy rings me up at $55.00! I told him that sounded a little too high and he told me to check the receipt and get back to him. So after 2 more customers went through, I showed him that he rang up my breakfast sandwich at $23.00! Obviously an error. I mean, I know these convenience stores jack up the prices, but Thatís ridiculous!

So the guy has to void my stuff and ring it all through again. Heís new, so this takes 25 times longer than the guy who knows what heís doing, but now THAT guy is busy with all the people who were standing in my line but moved due to the slow pace and frustrating ignorance of the guy running my register.

I was finally back out in my car a good 20 minutes after entering the store. Sheesh!

I got to work and set out the get well/sympathy card for the other agents to sign. 4 agents into the signing process, a woman comes up to me and says, "This is a sympathy card." I agree that it is. She says, "For people who have DIED!" As if I did not know what a sympathy card is for. I said I know but that it does not mention death or dying but support and comfort. She said she would not sign it then. I told her fine, she didnít have to...she could get her own card.

I had to bring out some paperwork to the weekly Monday meeting and just made mention that I got this card because the one I had originally bought was not appropriate as it was a get well card and this one seemed to assure comfort and support. Then another one of the agents said they werenít going to sign this card and that they wanted something more upbeat.

And at that point, I lost it. The significance of Veteran Agentís diagnosis and the pettiness of these people just did me in. I said, "FINE! Get your own card then and donít ask me to do anything like this ever again." And as I walked away, they kind of glumly chorused "thanks anyway...it was a nice gesture." Whatever. I closed my office door and sobbed for 15 minutes, feeling so sad for Veteran Agent and so stupid. I felt like I had just presented my mom with the most beautiful yellow flowers in the world only to have her look down her nose at me and tell me, "those arenít flowers, those are dandelions."

After their meeting, one of the other agents came into my office and offered me one of her antidepressants. Ummmm, no thanks! How do I take that; I am already on antidepressants so I couldnít anyway, but itís not like 1 does any good. They only work if you keep taking them over time and itís not to make you happy...itís to make you even. Whatever.

Then these agents come into my office and ask me to help them with something they have needed to do for the past 3 weeks (today is the deadline) and have had the directions for just as long. Did they do it before? No. Did they have the instructions now? No. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to potty train 15 toddlers all at once and today I just did not have the patience for it.

So I am down on myself. One, for losing it. Two for being so stupidly emotional and sensitive. And Three for feeling like no matter what I do here, it doesnít really make a difference.

I guess it doesnít help that I didnít get any good sleep last night. I made the mistake of watching CSI and Without a Trace and both stories were so disturbing that I ended up having nightmares all night. Yuck! In one, a guy was chasing me with a gun and kept finding me no matter where I hid.

Anyway...Itís a long entry and if you are still with me, you deserve a treat. Unfortunately, I donít trust myself at this point to pick out a good enough one for you, so you will have to treat yourself.

Thanks for Reading!

3:47 p.m. - Wednesday, Apr. 14, 2004
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