sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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Restless

I paid $1.89 a gallon to fill my gas tank last night. Not only that, but I bought it in my neighborhood instead of the town I went to church in last night, because that town is notorious for jacking up their gas prices. Trouble is, the gas station next to church? $1.79 a gallon. Arrrrg! I paid $25.00 to fill my little Elantra's tank when normally, it takes between 15-18 bucks. So not fair.

Driving home from church last night was awesome. The temps got to 91 yesterday. It was warm and breezy, but not humid and just plain wonderful. I rolled down all my windows and turned off my car radio. Every time I passed a swamp or a creek or a pond, I could hear the frogs and spring peepers. I actually pulled over just to listen to them at one point. I wish I could bottle that sound to pull out in the midst of the roughest of winters.

As I was driving to and from church, I caught myself looking at apartments and townhomes. I am restless. Why do I want to move? We have roots. We are settled. We have friends and contacts and "our" places. We know our routes. We know the schedules of the places we visit. I know when I absolutely HAVE to leave home in order to be to work on time. And yet...I am restless. I think, "Our apartment is too small." "I want a washer and dryer in my house!" "I wish we had a yard." "We need another bedroom." "Wouldn't a screen porch be nice?" "A fireplace!" "A jacuzzi tub!" "A greatroom!" Yeah, I've got it bad. Supe is great. He says he will move if that's what I want. Problem is, I don't think it is what I want. What I want is not available though. I want a single level single family home plopped down right where we live. I want 2 or 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths and a greatroom with a fireplace and I want it to be affordable. Too much to ask? You don't know the half of it. I was checking out single level, single family townhomes in our area and NOTHING is under $190,000. The farther out of the metro you go, the cheaper they are, but still, $150,000 was the norm, and that would have me driving 50 miles or more to and from work. Right now, I drive 5 miles to work. None of it interstate, highway or freeway. So, that's what I want. I want Pensacola, FL prices in Minnetonka, MN. Is that too much to ask?

After ALL that, I got home, opened a wine cooler and sat on the patio with Supe and Maisey. It was lovely.

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April 29, 2003

Spring has sprung here in MN. The trees have leaves and buds and the grass has really greened up. I LOVE Spring. And we might get some thunderstorms today and tomorrow. Spring storms are so cool. Although I know the southern states have been battered by tornados and hail, that is not so cool.

My bosses took me out to lunch yesterday. We had a nice time. They are cool outside of work. When things are relaxed and do not involve stress, they are actually decent people to hang out with.

We went to P.F. Changs for Chinese. It was yummy, of course. We just shot the breeze and were gone about a hour and a half. The day went fast too, so that was good.

I had my last knitting class yesterday. I did not finish the one slipper yet. I was lost and then got frustrated and now I am not sure it will turn out. Yikes. I may have to put it away for a bit because of the frustration I have for it right now.

Lately Iíve been drawn to the past. Iíve been thinking of my time in high school, reliving my time with my high school boyfriend, A, and rereading old journals. I really donít know why. I do not want to go back and do anything differently. I love my husband and I love our relationship. The only thing I would change, if I could, is that I would have wanted to meet him and marry him a lot earlier than we did. Although both of us admit to being a lot different, earlier and we probably would not have been attracted to each other. But if we could have been the people we were when we met several years earlier, that would be what I would change.

Itís weird. Iíve been remembering hanging out with my friend Mary. Sitting on her front steps, watching the "cool" high school kids cruise up and down Main Street in their cars. We got such a thrill from that. I remember one guy, Todd D had a black and red Camero that we recognized right away.

This was before we drove, so I guess we thought it was exciting. Once I got my license, all I wanted to do was drive to Madison...not up and down Main Street.

My journal is revealing. I have many prayers for my brother, lots of prayers for my friends Mary and Paul and their new marriage and baby. Lots of prayer for my friend Carolyn who was living on her own before moving back to CA. And lots of prayers for my new friend Tina who was going to school in Chicago. Itís fun to read those prayers and see how God has answered over all these past 14 years.

Maybe thatís why Iím looking back. I am seeing where God has brought me and how faithful He has been. There are a few prayers left to be answered, but so many that have been answered in the most gracious and amazing ways.

God is good. In addition, when life is not, God turns it for good. Life lessons learned over the years have led to an amazing amount of growth and maturity.

But I do need to put the former things away and look ahead to what God has planned for SB and I in the future. We are looking for our purposes and assume our purposes involve each other. We are reading a book that will help us know and are looking to God for guidance. I think Itís bothering SB that I have been so introspective and retrospective lately. I need to find ways to reassure him that I would not have changed anything about our relationship or redone anything about us. I am just looking back.

We are praying for a miracle in two areas.

One is for a house. Two is for a family. We believe God will provide both. We are actively involved in both pursuits.

Thanks for reading.

10:18 a.m. - Thursday, Apr. 29, 2004
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