sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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The Generosity of Others

I did OK with meals yesterday, but I mostly ate soft or watery things like yogurt and soup.

Last night I was talking with a friend at church about the surgery and how life has been since. I told her I did all this research, talked to people who had had it, talked to doctors who performed the surgery...and yet NOTHING prepared me for the reality of it all. But have I ever been able to lose almost 50 lbs on my own? No way.

As we discussed it though, I mentioned that I was grieving my loss of food as a friend and I actually said, "I am so angry at food because food isn't a friend anymore." Bingo! Revelation! Food isn't a friend. It isn't comforting, it isn't fun, it isn't comfortable and calming and welcoming anymore. And I'm mad.

Wow! It's all part of re-learning the place food should have in my life and how to eat to live. It's the process of change...and it's darn hard. I just thought my mini revelation was interesting.

You know, people can tell you something, and try and teach you things about yourself, but you will NEVER really grasp them until you own it yourself. You will only possess what you experience.

Can I just say that Bob and I are surrounded by the most caring and amazing people? We have collected almost $400.00 for the MDA 5K. Originally, we wanted to collect $1000.00, but now we see we probably won't get there, so we changed our goal to $500 and we are soooooo close! Thanks everyone for your kindness and generosity towards us!

Tonight is another dentist appointment. Blah. More cavities to fill. If nothing else, this new way of eating should help prevent future cavities. I think the majority of my teeth problems came from all the Coke I was drinking. I no longer drink Coke, so my teeth should improve.

Oh! I forgot to mention this. Yesterday, someone brought in a cake for a goodbye party for a co-worker. It looked beautiful and while I knew I couldn't have a whole piece, I went over and picked up a large crumb of cake and a tiny dollop of frosting and had a taste. It was soooo good, but even that tiny taste of frosting was so incredebly sugary. My boss was standing there and gave me a definite stink-eye. She is one of those people who said they would be watching me and what I ate and making sure I didn't eat anything I shouldn't. I smiled at her, said I just wanted a taste and that even that taste was too sweet. She just walked away. *sigh*

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A Year Ago Today:

July 08, 2003, Boys Made me Crazy

Iíve always been a bit boy crazy. That is, before I got married. Now the only boy Iím crazy about is my husband.

My mother said when I was in pre-school, I came home one day and told her that I kissed Paul M. in the bathroom. Or was it the closet? I donít remember the incident and obviously donít really remember the story.

I remember in first grade I had a huge crush on Jeffrey R. He was typical MN blond and Nordic and very handsome for a 7 year old.

One day we were watching a movie in class and the main characters were named Jeffrey and Amy. The class thought this was funny. I thought it was fate. I wanted to be linked to Jeffrey R. in whatever way I could be. My favorite day was the day our teacher picked us to be the milk fetchers. We had to take an empty crate down to the milk cooler, count out enough milk for each student and bring them back in the crate. It was too heavy for one first grader, but two could make quick work of it. We went to the milk cooler and filled our crate and brought it back in quick order. It was much too fast for me.

Imagine my devastation when we had to move before the end of the school year! We moved to central WI to a school full of strangers and no Jeffrey R.

I think my next crush came in 4th grade. Another new school and new classmates to get to know. I looked around our class that first day and saw another blond boy with a handsome face. His name was Jim H. I donít know what was up with the blond boys with "J" names, but Jim was quite the cutie and ended up being the apple of many a fourth grade girlís eye.

I think fourth grade was the impetuous of my boy craziness. From fourth to sixth grades I had crushes on and somewhat chased; Ray, Jeffrey A, Jeff B, the twins Danny and David R and many others that may have only lasted a day or so.

Seventh grade brought an onslaught of hormones and new boys to chase. My seventh grade was in a Jr. High that brought together most of the cityís elementary students. I remember having a HUGE crush on Barry S from day one. He was TALL. I think I only liked him because I was one of the first girls to develop and was taller than so many of the boys in my class. But Barry was taller than me!

Later in 7th grade, I found my first boyfriend. His name was Brent. We were in choir together and got together at a dance by slow dancing to "Just Between You and Me" by April Wine. We went roller-skating, to the beach, and held hands between classes at the end of the school year. Also, his best friend was dating one of my best friends so we would do things as a foursome. I found out much later that he is gay. Yeah. I know.

Once again, potential romance was thwarted by a move. My family moved from central WI to southern WI the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I was more than devastated but had no say in the matter. Brent wrote me, but when I wrote back, I told him a pack of lies in hopes he would think I moved on to a better life as a popular girl in my new school. He saw through me (Duh) and told me to never write him back again. That was the end of my relationship with Brent.

Tomorrow, more boy craziness ensues.

7:26 a.m. - Thursday, Jul. 08, 2004
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