sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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Gotta Get me a Digital Scale

I got on our home scale today...just to see if the needle would FINALLY stop on an under 299 mark and guess what? It did! I know our scale isn't completely accurate as it's not digital, but it stopped on 291. 291! That's 10 pounds different from last Friday's digital readout of 301! If nothing else, I am FINALLY under 300 pounds!

Yesterday was not fun though. Lunch was leftover chicken and potatoes and something got stuck. Which left me on the phones, trying to do MAGICAL customer service while also trying not to vomit all over my mic and keyboard. 3 straight hours of mysery. I ended up cancelling my dentist appointment because I didn't know if I would be done retching and didn't think the dentist wanted her hands in my mouth at that time. So that's postponed until Aug. 19th. I still left work early and went home and layed down for a while. We got the new IKEA catalog, so I purused that for a while.

The weight loss is nice, but I wish I could get over the stomach issues as soon as possible.

Last night one of my friends called to chat. She's awesome and someone I admire to no end. But she wanted me to check our job board and see if there is anything here for her. I said I would and then she said she needed to start at $15 an hour. I about spit out my water. I don't even make $15 an hour. Entry level here would probably start around 11 or 12 an hour. She is highly skilled in her field, but her field does not require computer skills, so she doesn't have those. She is skilled in customer service, so that's a benefit. But without top notch computer skills, I think she will be hard pressed to find something that makes that much in an entry level. In fact, I took to researching it this morning and a job that pays $15 an hour is one that pays $31,200 annually. The jobs in that pay range are bank supervisors, call center managers, private bankers and other skilled positions with 4s, 5s and 6s behind their title. (I have a 2 behind my title.) But, while I was looking for her, I did manage to see a couple of positions that tickled me. So I put in an email of interest to those positions to see what comes up. Why would I direct her to something that pays more than what I'm making now, if I qualify for it? Does that sound selfish? I know it probably does. But I have the skills and experience and at this point, she does not. Never say never, though. I have seen stranger things happen.

By the way, my one year anniversary for the job I hold now is Sunday, August 1. I have to say I like my job (not today though) and like my co-workers...but if I could be making more in the same company, keeping the same benefits, that would be ideal. That's one of the reasons I took the job here...more opportunity for advancement and moving around for better pay and positions. I'm not all bad and selfish though...I did email my friend the link to our job board so she can look up those $15/hour paying jobs herself.

Today at work has been horrible. I think we are being affected by the 2nd full moon of the month being Saturday. Bankers are making all kinds of simple mistakes and then getting all aguementative and defensive when asked to do the paperwork over. And they are calling with weird questions and requests. It has been a nightmare these past 2 days. It is to the point I cringe when my phone rings because I am sure it will be some angry banker demanding something so completely out there, we won't be able to accomodate. No examples today as most of what's going on is too specific to our business. Just let it be known that there is weirdness out there. I will say that this morning before 10 am I spoke to 1 banker 8 times regarding the same issue. There is never a reason to speak to a banker 8 times over the same issue. The issue doesn't change just because you call back or because time moves on. Sheesh!

Oh, I almost forgot. I got a letter yesterday from the Mobility for Independence people. If you have been reading me for a while, you will remember that they are a non-profit organization who offers grants to people needing help with mobility issues. We applied for the grant some months ago and haven't heard a peep from them since. In fact, I almost forgot about them. So, I thought maybe the letter was announcing that we had the grant. But to my dismay, inside were another application and directions on filling it out. Oh no, not again! I called MFI all ready to bring the smack down on whomever answered. But the gal who answered was pleasant and said the application had been sent to us by mistake. She said we are on the list. (It's a long list.) In fact, their big fundraiser is coming up August 8th and she invited us to be there in order to put faces to the name. I talked to Bob about it, but he didn't know. He would get in free and I would get in at a discount. Otherwise it's $40 per person or $75 per couple. But it's a big deal and they are auctioning off some HUGE prizes including PGA 2005 tickets, Oprah tickets, a timeshare in FL, a dude ranch vacation and more. After their fundraiser, they will be able to tell us where we stand on the waiting list for funds. If you want to attend or want further info, check out their website.

Hmmmm...last year's entry seems to ring the theme of yesterday's entry. Maybe these desires are all hormonal in nature and cyclical? Still, they are very, very real.

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A Year Ago Today: July 28, 2003:

Weekend Overview and The Sadness of Barrennes

We had a good weekend this weekend. Friday Bob was working. He ended up having (not really having to, but choosing) to give a woman and her daughter a ride to St. Kateís in St. Paul and didnít get home until 8 or 9. I finished the table centerpieces for his parents' party and then we had a little time to sit and be together. I had stopped at Chipotle and picked up a couple of steak burritos. I ate mine while waiting for Bob and he heated his up later.

Saturday we slept in (which felt sooo good!) and got on the road around 3 to go to Bobís mom and step dadís 25th wedding anniversary party. We stopped at Bobís coin shop to pick up a nice anniversary once of silver coin for Barb and Harry. We got to Delisiís around 4:15 and set up the centerpieces. I have to say they looked rather festive and everyone liked them.

The party was a good time. Bobís folks had a great time and it is always good to get together with family. I got many good shots and I realized once again that I need a bigger card for my digital camera.

Saturday was hot and humid. When we left the apartment and walked into our air-conditioned hallway, we knew we were in trouble. The hallway was warmer and stickier than our apartment. And the parking garage was warmer and stickier still. The minute we left the air-conditioned comfort of our home or car, it felt like we were swimming in the atmosphere. Not my favorite weather.

The room at the restaurant where the party was had air conditioning, but there were so many warm bodies in that room that it still warmed up pretty good. Bobís step dad Harry looked like he had just come in from the rain; he was sweating so badly.

We ended up leaving after most of the friends but before the family. Bob had almost fallen and was not feeling the best. I was hot and premenstrual and was feeling kind of blah myself.

We got home and just kicked up the air and relaxed. I downloaded the photos right away and emailed them to the family. I LOVE my digital camera. It is a photography bugís answer to instant gratification.

Sunday was cooler. I got up for church. It was pretty easy as I had been having a really bad dream. I donít remember it really...other than Satan was chasing me. He used and influenced friends, family, children, animals, church people, and all manner of other things to get to me. I prayed by myself, sang praise songs, got others together to pray and still we were never free from battling him. I woke up all adrenaline filled and ready to get to church. Bob did not go because he was feeling so badly from the night before. I hate going to church without him. I end up having to answer all kinds of questions about him and his health and why he is not there with me.

Church was super hard. My period was a week late and I had taken a pregnancy test that morning only to find it negative. Then at church, I was confronted by all manner of mothers and children. Itís just where my heart is and we have been trying for almost 2 years with no results. What really did me in was a mother holding her 1-year-old daughter. The daughter had her head resting against her motherís neck and shoulder and the mother was kind of rocking her and the little girl was swinging her legs. It does not sound as adorable as it was.

Then I had to teach the 4 & 5 year old Sunday School class. I started with 3 little ones and they were pretty mellow. Then I got 3 more and all things just broke loose. I had 1 girl and 5 boys. The boys would just talk, yell, and disrupt. I had to stop class several times to redirect them. Near the end of class, the little girl started to kind of fake cry. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she missed her mom and there were too many boys in the class. I agreed and had her come sit on my lap...just us girls. Finally, class was over and we let the boys run around while we just sat still and watched.

Because we have not been to church lately, we forgot that it was Church picnic and baptism Sunday. I wanted Bob to come meet me, but I had his keys as Lori still had mine. I was in kind of a funk anyway and it probably would not have been good for me to be around people.

On the way home from church I stopped at the local Chrysler dealer and looked over some of the new Caravans. Man, are they pricey. Anywhere from $24,000 to $36,000. I looked at the used ones too, but they didnít have prices on them. They just said to ask a salesperson about the price. Looks like we may have to stick with a KIA if we go the van route. We are talking now of maybe getting rid of both our cars and getting the van. But we agreed to pray about it first. That way we wonít make as big a mistake, if there are mistakes to be made.

I got home and was just hit by a massive wave of sadness, so I curled up on the couch and cried. Bob was up and had me move into our bedroom so he could hold me. He is the most awesome husband a woman could have. I just felt so worthless and like a failure. After all, I am a woman with womanly parts and they do not seem to be functioning. My uterus is empty and what good is an empty uterous? What good are eggs if they arenít fertilized? What good are breasts if not to nurse? (Bob has a different answer for that question.) But I just feel like a failure as a woman. I know in my head that Iím not a failure just because I havenít conceived and given birth. But that hasnít been translated to my heart yet. I just feel so empty. My womb is empty. My arms are empty. I go through this 12 times a year. I wonder when it will get easier?

So, OK...later in the day, Bob took me to see Pirates of the Caribbean. It was good and cheered me some. Johnny Depp was a little swishy as a swashbuckling pirate, but he was otherwise awesome! It was very entertaining and not at all cheesy like I thought it would be. It is afterall, based on a RIDE at Disney World. During the previews, they showed one for another upcoming movie based on a RIDE at Disney World...The Haunted Mansion. Whatís next? Itís a small world afterall? Space Mountain? The Monorail? Sheesh! Way to beat a theme to death.

So the weekend was good. A nice diversion to the business that my life has taken on since giving my 2 weeks notice. Last week was unbelievably busy and this week doesnít look any less frantic.

We are still trying to get this woman in and hired, but the background check is taking forever! It just means less days of training. Which can be a good thing. If she learns it all as I did, on the fly...trial by fire...it will stick and she will learn to do things in her own way and not skewed to the way CM and SM want it done. Contrary to their beliefs, their way is not always the best (or most ethical) way.

This coming weekend's plans? Blessed nothing!

Thanks for reading.

11:03 a.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 28, 2004
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