sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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Glad it's Friday Even if it is the 13th

Yesterday was one crazy day. We had the building evacuation/fire drill at 10, then, when we came in, I had to help put together training materials for our bankers. Then, at 11, a teleconference training session. After that was lunch and the rest of the afternoon was spent putting out "fires". I tell you, it was melodrama Thursday at BBC.

Tonight Bob and I are going to dinner at a friend of his from his men's group. All the men and their wives will be there. I am looking forward to it, but only if Bob feels up to it. Rarely can we make such plans ahead of time because of Bob's pain situation. But I think we will be OK tonight. Plus, I told him we will leave whenever he wants. The thing that unnerves Bob is that we never know what kind of home we're walking into. Will it be a split level or raised ranch so that first thing into the house are stairs? We don't know, so it should be interesting.

Learning to eat after surgery sure is interesting. The other day I bought something I thought would work really well, a small, mini quiche. It tasted really good, but it did not sit well at all and I was queasy all the rest of the day. Bah. But yesterday they brought LeAnn Chin in for us to thank us for helping with putting the training stuff together. I had a couple pieces of beef, 1 cream cheese wonton and about 1/4 of an egg roll and all went down and stayed down really well. It is so odd how I can never know until I try something, how it will go.

Since the surgery, food doesn't sit the same as it used to. I don't feel full anymore. I am craving different foods now too. Not really craving sugar as much anymore, but more veggies and fruits. I am craving cucumbers, watermelon, sweet corn, tomatoes, etc. I eat a lot of protein so that's not an issue. I wish I could eat cheese, milk and eggs, but those things do not sit well in my stomach anymore. Actually, sometimes they do, but other times...not so much. So, the menu of items that I can eat is a lot smaller than it used to be. Some days that is really hard for me. Yesterday there was a Fuddrucker's commercial on and I wanted nothing more than to get a giant burger and to take a big bite. But burgers are another no-no for me now. Getting used to all of this is no picnic, though the results are quite nice. 75 pounds gone forever.

I leave you with some photos of our cats. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

This is what happens when the cats get too close to my crocheting projects. Can't you see Maisey just LOVES this?

I just can't believe that Maisey sat still enough to allow the yarn to be placed on her head, let alone allow for photos. She is just NOT that type of cat.

This is Daisy, she is trying to be as cute as possible in order to take some of the attention Maisey is getting.

*************************************** A Year Ago Today: August 13, 2003: The Yearly Physical and A Small Fish

Remember when you went from high school into college or elementary school into Jr. High and remember being a big fish in a small pond and then becoming a teeny tiny fish in a huge gigantic ocean? Thatís kind of how I feel at work right now. I know things at Bankers were completely whacked. But I knew the score. I knew the ropes. I had everything down. Now Iím the new kid. I donít know anything or anyone. Itís a great job, just hard to get into the swing of it. I have lots of questions and feel like I will never be as competent as I need to be to do a good job at the Big Bank Co.

We are going to Madison for a wedding this weekend. While I am thoroughly excited about this wedding and seeing a ton of people I have not seen in ages, I am not excited about them seeing me. I have put on a ton of weight since seeing many of these people. I have a nice dress and I just had my hair cut, but still, I donít like the way I look so Iím nervous. What has me completely out of my skin is the possibility of seeing the boy I dated in high school. Apparently he has been going to my parent's church. We havenít seen each other since 1987. Yeah, bound to be some changes, but I weighed a whole lot less then too. Blech.

I had my annual physical yesterday and I talked to my doctor about the gastric bypass surgery. She thought I would be a good candidate for the surgery since I donít have diabetes or high blood pressure or hypertension...yet. Going like Iím going, though, itís just a matter of time. She gave me a list of names to call. I guess the Abbott-Northwestern hospitals have just added a whole wing to their hospital for this procedure. Supposedly, they have the best education and preparation too. So, I will be weighing this out in the near future.

I was talking to Bob last night and said I wish I could find the switch in my mind/body/where ever that would allow me to eat like a normal person. I wish I could just get it and lose the weight naturally. So far, I havenít been able to do it that way. I knkow if I have this surgery, there are risks. But do the health risks of being obese outweigh the health risks of having my stomach cut off, or vice versa? I donít know right now. I know my eating habits would HAVE to change after the surgery. No sugar. No soda. A protein supplement every day as well as daily vitamins.

Before, I was worried about the possibilty of getting pregnant after such a surgery. But now, with things like they are with Bob, we are coming to terms with not having children at all or adopting. So, Itís not so much of a factor as it was.

Anyway, thatís what Iím thinking about today. I wish I could take off the weight I've gained since leaving Madison in the next 3 days anyway. I feel like I could have made a tremendous success of myself and still end up a failure because I canít lose weight. I feel ugly and stupid. Though I know Iím not. Maybe the key is to work on how I see and think of myself first instead of wondering what other people see and think of me.

Thanks for reading.

6:39 a.m. - Friday, Aug. 13, 2004
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