sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a Quick Update

I had the scope done yesterday and it was awful. But they did find what they call a scriture and to the best of my ability to explain it, it is when the new stomach sticks together instead of ballooning out like it's supposed to. So they ballooned it out. They gave me 3 times as much anesthesia as normal because I fought them even while under. I woke up extremely tired and groggy with a hugely sore throat.

We got home, I went to bed and when I woke up, I began gagging and retching and dry heaving even worse than before. All night (Except while sleeping) and again this morning. We were supposed to go in today so they could hydrate me, but both Bob and I fell asleep due to exhaustion. So we are going back in tomorrow for them to hydrate me and they may have to check me into the hospital and perform a procedure that allows them to check on the stomach again. For now I am to take teeny little sips of water, but I wish I could just full on down a bottle of water, I am so thirsty.

Please continue to pray for me and for the doctors and their wisdom. I just want to get through this and be better already. This has been a miserable couple of weeks. Please also pray for Bob as he has been up to his ears in worry for me.

-------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: August 23, 2003: Helping MDA

Bob and I are going to man the phones at the Labor Day MD telethon at the Mall of America on Labor Day. We picked the 6am to 8:30am! I know Thatís early, but thatís all they had and we figured it would be nice to hang around after to see some of the show. Or we could hang out and see if they still need help with other stuff.

I also added a PayPal button to my journal. Others have done it for far less honorable causes. Not that they are less important I guess. Everyone has needs and struggles. And we all think ours are more important. But we are going to need help with the power wheelchair and accessible van. So I figured what the heck...why not hook up with PayPal just in case there are others who want to help us with Bob's needs. Any money we collect will go into an account set aside for Bob's MD needs. Also, check out Bobs websight to read the poetry he writes from his heart. Itís at: http://robertall41.diaryland.com.

Last night I was watching Dateline NBC and they had this heartwarming story about a baby born with the left side of her heart undeveloped. She had to undergo an emergency heart surgery right after she was born. I cried. At first I cried because the parents were so sad and scared and were crying too. But as I watched and the story showed a happy, healthy growing baby, I cried because I wished there was a surgery or pill or medicine that would fix Bob. Their little girl will grow up to be a normal, happy, healthy girl. She may have some limitations, but for the most part, she will be fine. Bob, just gets worse and worse and loses more and more every year that passes. Like I said yesterday, I will sacrifice everything except his health, mobility and independence. His health is number one in our lives now. Thatís why Iím working. Thatís why we may live in an apartment much longer than we ever dreamed. Thatís why we donít have credit cards. Thatís why I added the PayPal.

Oh...and watch the Labor Day MD telethon and give to MD. There are over 20 different kinds affecting all kinds of people. Kids, adults, teens, etc. Itís a great cause and all the money goes to research and aid. Give to Jerry's kids!

Thank for reading. -------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: August 25, 2003: The Bitter and The Sweet

It was a hard weekend...and a very nice one.

I spent more time crying this weekend than I have in a long time. Loud, long, gut heaving crying. Crying for my beautiful brave amazing husband who has to live with rapidly diminishing muscles and abilities. Crying because itís so unfair. Crying because there is nothing that will change or stop the destruction of his muscles.

I watched him work for several minutes to reach a bottle of vitamins. Something that I wouldnít have thought twice about, he had to work at for minutes. He worked his hand across our table, then stretched his fingers so he could hook his pinkie on our counter. It took him 3 tries, but he finally got his hand on the counter. Then he grabbed the lazy susan and slid it closer to him. Finally, he could reach the bottle of vitamins. He grabbed it and the weight of it slammed his hand down onto our table. He slid the bottle towards him and was then able to open it and take one. I started to cry after that. He is just so brave. He doesnít think twice about doing these things for himself. I used to not think twice about doing these things either. But now I have so much respect for how hard it is for Bob.

Our weekend wasnít all tears and trials. I had a friend over for wine and snacks. We had a very nice time. We sat out on our patio. It was a beautiful evening. Warm and breezy but not hot and humid. I set out about a dozen tea lights and candles around our patio. I turned the fan on low and set it in the corner to keep the bugs at bay and put some fun tunes on the stereo. It was just delightful and we got more than a few curious onlookers. Many said it just looked so pretty and it did!

Bob went to a single's retreat with one of our church's pastors. They were representing our church's training school at some kind of ministry fair. I guess they had a really good time. This pastor has been a great friend to us and I am so thankful for the time Bob has been able to spend with him.

We skipped church though. Itís just so hard to go sometimes. Even though we find so much relief and love and kindness there, it is just so hard sometimes. I hope we can figure out a better way soon because we cannot keep skipping church.

Anyway, it was a lot of bitter with some sweet thrown in. Not sure how it will get better or when, but Iím hoping soon.

Thanks for reading. --------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: August 26, 2003: Not so Sad Today

Only 5 more days until the MDA Labor Day Telethon. Check it out. If you live in the MPLS area, it will be on Channel 45 beginning Sunday at 8pm and on though Monday 6pm. Sweet Baboo and I will be answering phones from 6am-8:30am on Monday at the Mall of America.

I donít want to do the whiny, sad internet lady, so I will try not to be all sad here today. I understand some of what Rob Hummel of Darn-Tootin.com is going through though. You feel like your whole world has changed and somehow you feel like the actual world should have changed too. But it doesnít and we all have to find a new normal for ourselves and keep moving on.

I had an amazing number of um, intimate dreams last night involving my husband. But at one point he resembled young Jerry Lewis. I think Iím taking this Jerryís Kid thing too far! But I woke up ready to canoodle and found my Aunt Flo had joined us. Soooo since her visit takes presidence, canoodling will have to wait.

I started my 10-7 shift at Big Bank Co. I really like this shift. I donít know what it was about yesterday though...bankers called with some pretty stupid questions. Oh well, more job security for me.

Sweet Baboo worked late at the gas station but came home with some wine for me and beer for himself. I set up our patio with candles, music and the fan and we had ourselves a romantic little interlude. Itís sooooo relaxing after a long day.

I found a legal service who might be able to help us with the case against Sweet Baboo's previous employers. Itís a legal defense place in San Francisco that specializes in disability/discrimination cases. So, we'll see what they say. We also need to call a local lawyer. I called the MN Legal Aid Department and they canít help us because weíre not considered low income, but they seemed to think we have a case. But now weíre under a deadline, so we'll see what happens.

Sweet Baboo and I are looking forward to going to the fair this weekend. He will be using his scooter. I will have to stop every 20 steps. But it should be fun. We didnít go last year, but we did go the year before and had a blast. Itís the Great MN Get Together, dontcha know?

SB starts school next month. Orientation is the 23rd and then a retreat follows. He is looking forward to it. He will be taking 2 classes and a Cell Group meeting. So, he is really looking forward to having some things to do this fall.

Thatís all for right now...oh! Some people got here by searching for:

1.) Cat Odor

2.) Home Made Speghetti

3.) I Want To Be a Stay At Home Mom

4.) Ian Punnett

5.) Lukaworld

I donít care how you find me...just find me and let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading.

August 27, 2003: Hey look mom! This fair has a fat lady!

4 more days until the MDA Telethon. Be sure to check it out...stop by the Mall of America if you live in MN and see the action live and in person. Itís a really good cause and Iím not just saying that because Iím married to one of Jerry's kids. I gave to MDA before I even knew Sweet Baboo. Their personal stories always get to me. Iím a softy.

Yesterday I was a crabby girl. So sore and headachy and bloaty. I was nice and cordial on the phone as per my job. But once I would hang up, I would do that thing where you talk to the person you just spoke with as if they could still hear you, although you are now saying the things you would NEVER say to them in person. Especially if you could get fired for doing so. I think yesterday was the official day of the stupid banker...just saying.

People got here today by searching for:

1.) Kids from Guetamala

2.) Diaryland summer camp

3.) Are antidepressants dangerous in the longrun?

It never fails to interest me what people search for and what they end up with.

Weíre going to the state fair on Sunday. I am looking forward to it and loathing it at the same time. Why? You might ask...well, I'll tell you.

You know those stories you hear every so often about the really large men and women who are so big they canít even get out of their house? I used to wonder how someone could get that way and in my heart I judged them harshly for being so lazy. But I am that person. I have grown so large that in the past few months, it takes all my energy to do simple tasks. Stuff I used to take for granted, like walking upstairs or walking a block now wear me out and hurt my back like itís nobody's business. I used to avoid lots of walking because of the horrible blisters I got. Now they would be the least of my worries. I canít walk a block without stopping to rest. My back aches and I feel like Iím going to break in half. I would love to be able to walk around the fair, but Iím afraid I will have to stop and rest every 20 steps. How did I let myself get this way? I have no idea. Well, I have some idea. I give in to my cravings and donít eat as healthy as I should. I am powerless right now. I need some kind of tool or intervention. People keep telling me to do this or that or the other, but I've tried everything. Anyway, I now understand those super-fat people who never leave their house and who just get bigger and bigger. That surgery looks better and better all the time. The people I know who have had it say one of the best things about it is that once a bunch of the weight comes off, they feel like they can move again and it feels like they have all the energy in the world! How cool would that be? I look back and remember walking all over Amsterdam and my home town and at college. What I wouldnít give to do that again without the back pain and severe lack of breath.

So, we'll see what happens.

Thanks for reading.

3:43 p.m. - Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2004
7 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

Marn
Weetabix
smartypants
mommylap
legalbeagle
rdhdprincess
forty-plus
dragging-ink