sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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Never Say You Have Nothing To Say

I will no longer write that I have nothing much to report because yesterday morning, minutes after writing that, I got stuck on the elevator at work with 9 other people for 10-15 minutes. Not such a fun event and definitely more excitement than I was looking for. And while I had been early for work, I was then late. Nice!

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Bob and I had such fun with our kitties last night. This is what petownership is all about.

When I got home, it was so mild and warm outside that I opened the sliding glass door, forgetting that the night before I had stepped outside and hadn't closed the screen behind me when I came back in. So our kitties took this to mean that they were welcome to explore the great outdoors. As I sat down to watch the news, I notice that Maisey was OUTSIDE the door! So I ran over to the door and stepped out on the patio to see where the kitties were. Daisy was JUST outside, hugging the wall. As soon as she saw that I had seen her outside, she zipped back into the apartment. But Maisey zipped the opposite way towards the pool! I called her and as soon as she heard my voice, she fell to the ground and hugged it as if her life depended upon it. She creeped/crawled in tiny little steps as if she could escape the inevitable but I picked her up and carried her back into the apartment. She grumbled at me the whole way. Bob and I laughed at their differences. How sensitive Daisy is and how she appears to never want to do anything wrong. But Maisey is the independent, feisty one who always wants her own way.

Later on, Daisy found a balled up wrapper of some sort and was playing with it. Bob took it from her and flicked it across the room. Daisy sprinted after it, picked it up in her mouth, brought it back and dropped it at Bob's feet. She did this over and over until she saw I was watching, then she would alternate between me and Bob. First, Bob would flick it across the room, Daisy would retreive it and then bring it to me and the game would start all over until she got tired and just went and laid down by where the wrapper ended up. It was so much fun! We have a Siamese retreiver!

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I am having to pin my pants now so they stay up. I am now weighing about 250. I am getting compliments at work again. Now they come with the question of how much more I am going to lose. My BMI is still in the "Obese" range. I am told that someone of my height and body structure should weigh between 125 and 175. That's a huge range, but I am thinking around 160. That way, I would have lost a total of 200 pounds. I am more than half way there. I just don't know how long it will take me to get there.

What I do know is that I won't get there if I keep having days like yesterday. I don't know what was going on, but I wanted to stuff food into my large gaping maw all day long. Fortunately, the surgery aids me in NOT doing this, but unfortunately, the surgery does not change my head or my feelings or my mind about food. That is the stuff I need to be working on now so that once I reach my goal weight and am needing to maintain it, I can. I wanted cheese puffs and chocolate and ice cream and junk, junk, junk. And I was JUST telling someone that since the surgery, I haven't really craved junk. I have craved fruit and veggies and at times, potatoes, but not really any junk food and that was sweet. But yesterday was a horse of a different color. I did give in at 10 and had 4 malted milk balls. And again at 2 I had a small bag of "Munchies" which is really a mix of pretzels, cheese crackers, melba bits, and chex cereal. Not the worst thing I could snack on, but probably not the best either. But I stuck to my regular breakfast of yogurt, my lunch of porkchops, green beans and a small bit of potatoes and a nice dinner of meatball hotdish. It's all part of the learning process, I know. But the junk food cravings have not been a part of me for so many months, I hadn't even really noticed they were missing. When I experienced them so heavily all day long yesterday, I was unprepared. It really was a shock to see how strong they still were.

Today I am standing strong. I had my yogurt for breakfast and will have a nice lunch of a small salad and small cup of soup. I also have some viactive chews for a chocolate fix in the afternoon and my 32 oz mug filled with water for all day sipping. (I fill it twice throughout the day.) Don't know what's for supper yet, but I will think on that throughout the day.

I did get a nice compliment from my boss. We were talking about the changes in my body since having the surgery and she said that she has noticed changes in my personality as well. She said I've gotten more confident, more outgoing, more self aware. She said she noticed it in the office and while I'm on the phone taking calls. She said my calls have gotten better and I'm more "take charge" over all. I thanked her for telling me and that it's always nice to hear nice things about the work I am doing. I told her I feel more like me. As if the weight had hidden the me I always was and as it fell off, the me that always was was free to reimirge again. It's why I have a butterfly on my journal. I feel like the fat was this huge cocoon I was hidden in. Now that the cocoon is falling away, I am free to imirge (I KNOW I'm spelling that wrong, but nothing looks right and I'm having a brain fart right now.) and be beautiful me. Goony, huh? But that's how I feel. It feels good to be me again.

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A Year Ago TOday: November 10, 2003:
Meatballs Falling on My Foot and I Need a New Crockpot


Hey hey and welcome to Monday.

We had a good weekend for the most part. I came into work for a couple of hours on Saturday. They were testing our computer programs and needed someone to come in to work the system to make sure it was all working the way it is supposed to work. It did.

I got home and began a cleaning frenzy. We have been getting those teeny tiny little grease ants in our kitchen and bathroom again, so I cleaned and disinfected everything! I also made meatballs in the crockpot for a party I went to that night.

My meatballs are rocking! We buy the premade, frozen meatballs and I brown them in my cast iron skillet with olive oil and italian seasonings. Then I put them in the crockpot with 1 can of garlic and herb spaghetti sauce. Mmmmm.

Anyway, after cleaning and picking up, I had to get dressed for the party. It was a party to encourage a friend going through a down time. Sheís the one I wrote about whose husband told her he didnít love her and never loved her after only 3 months of marriage. He began cheating on her after 10 months of marriage and before their second anniversary, they will be divorcing. She said heís working on the papers now.

So, I packed up the meatballs, my digital camera and a couple of cards for my friend and headed over to her townhouse. On the way, I admired the eclipsing full moon. Very cool.

I got to her place, got out of my car and proceeded to drop my crockpot of meatballs all over the parking lot. Steaming hot meatballs mixed with shards of crockery. I was just sick. Not only do I use my crockpot all the time, we wouldnít get to partake in all the meatball-y goodness at all tonight.

I went in, put down my stuff, grabbed a grocery bag and filled it with broken crockery. We left the meatballs on the blacktop but threw away my good old reliable crockpot. Boo hoo!

The party was sweet. My friend's townhouse is so cozy and homey. She has a romantic touch to her decorating. Lots of flowers and candles but it doesnít look fuffy at all. We ate and talked and then went around the room and told her true things about who she is and how much we love her. Then we prayed for her and hugged and hugged her. Then we all gave her cards so she had tangible things to read and remember when we all left. It was sweet but also so sad and bitter because of what brought us there.

I got home and told Sweet Baboo that I broke the crockpot. He wasnít upset like I thought he might be. Not that it was broken, but that Itís ONE MORE THING we need to buy and we donít have the money for right now. But he wasnít like that at all. He felt bad that it happened and that the meatballs were ruined, but not about losing the one appliance we use three times a week or more. So that was good. Anyway, it was kind of old...I got it for Christmas in 1990, so we probably did need to upgrade, but it worked perfectly, so we could put it off.

SB told me he had gone out to look at the eclipse with Becky and Nathan. They took the trail up to the watertower and because SB is still getting used to his wheelchair, he took the path too hard and ended up crashing and falling out. He said it was such a reality as to his condition. If he hadn't been with Nathan and Becky, he would have probably been still trying to get into the chair. Becky righted his 250 lb wheelchair and SB took a long time to crawl on his hands and knees over to his chair and pull himself up. He said he now knows that he is a cripple and there's no 2 ways about it. I donít feel so strongly. He can still walk short distances and stand and sit at will, but this tumble sure did take a lot more out of him than just physical pain and exersion.

We skipped church AGAIN on Sunday. Part of the deal is that Itís so much easier for SB in the chair and we have no way to get the chair anywhere right now, so itís easier to stay home which defeats the whole, "Let's get SB in a chair so he will be more independent" thing.

I made a yummy dinner of (sorta) fried chicken, mashed potatos and green beans. While I was cleaning up, the neighborhood kids came over and played. They played with Maisey and Daisy and SB. I sent them all home around 7:30, but they continued to play in the hallway, so SB went out to play with them. They were playing Hide and Seek and he was the seeker. There was lots of squeeling and laughing out our door. Itís really very cute.

We also found a way for our cats and us to live in peace. We moved Daisy to our bedroom. The litter box in on top of brown grocery bags in the back of our closet and her food and water is near the door. She lays on my bed most of the day, with some forrays to the window for a look on the outside world. She seems very happy and content there, never trying to get out or escape. She snuggles up to me at bedtime and plays with my feet through the covers in the morning. Maisey seems happy with the arrangement, at least until we go to bed, then sheís mad that we are all in there and she is not. But itís the arrangement that has brought the most peace to our humble home since bringing Daisy home, so we are going to stick with it for now.

Thatís our weekend. How was yours?

Thanks for reading.


Bonus Entry: I am reformed and have the checkbook to prove it


I have a checkbook! Yay! I have a checkbook Yay!

Not many people know this, mostly because itís humiliating, but I havenít had a check book for almost 4 years now. Why is this, you may ask? Well, it is because I was wildly immature and horrible with money lo those almost 4 years ago and the bank decided to take away my checking account and not let me have one for a while. You see, MN state law says that if you mess up enough to warrant the bank closing your checking account, you cannot open a new one for 2 years. Thatís what the LAW says. Banks, on the other hand say, "You messed up and a bank closed your acount? Itís been 2 years and you want to try keeping a checking account in our bank now? Hmmmm, let us think...NO!" Banks will not let you open a checking account for 3 years. Did you know that? Well, now you do. I learned the hard way and now you can learn from my mistakes. Keep your nose clean with your checking account kiddies.

Now that I work for the BIG BANK, and itís been almost 4 years since my big mess up, we figured it was time to apply for joint checking so we can use all the perks BIG BANK gives its employees. We went to the bank the day after Sweet Baboo's birthday, signed up for the joint checking and a money market savings account and bada bing, bada boom, Iím back into business with the check book! Not only that, but I have an ATM card of my very own too.

The fun thing is that SB is in charge of the finances, so I donít have to worry about balancing this thing. And we are doing an interesting experiment. Whenever there is a payday, we are going to put a set amount of money in my check register as a deposit while SB takes it as a debit from his check register. Then I will know how much money I have to "play" with or save and when itís gone, itís gone. Itís essentially my allowance. But I think it will work just fine.

So, Thatís the story behind why I didnít have a checkbook and now I do. I also have Sunflower checks. Now I know you're jealous. Hee.

Thanks for reading.

10:06 a.m. - Wednesday, Nov. 10, 2004
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