sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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National Adoption Month

Today is going by quite quickly. It's already after 2 and I feel like I just got here. These are the type of Fridays I LOVE.

I just have to get this off of my chest. Please identify yourself when you call me! I am not a mind reader and cannot tell if you are a banker, a customer or a wrong number. And please be polite. Say please and thank you like your good mama taught you. It's my job to help you but it can be a much better experience for us both if you can speak slowly and audibly, ennuciate and use your phone manners. After a day of speaking to sassy bankers, the last thing I want to do is go home and answer the phone. Thankfully I have a husband who will answer it or we have voice mail.

The weather here has been gray, gray, gray. Foggy, damp, rainy, cloudy, dank, misty, moist, hazy, and depressing. I hate this part of the Fall/Winter transition.

Today has been one big graze-fest at work. I am not able to eat the amounts I used to eat in the past, but from morning on today all I've done (All we've ALL done) is eat. This morning our building management had free coffee and rolls for us. Then, someone brought in bagels. I had a 1/4 of a roll and a 1/4 of a toasted bagel with cream cheese. THEN my boss broke out the gift basket goodies she's already received for the holidays and there has been much munching of crackers, carmel corn, pretzels, nuts, and all manner of crunchy gift baskety goodness. All DAY long! Nibble, nibble, nibble. Granted it's in much smaller doses than before, but still. Bad habits do not go away after having gastric bypass surgery.

November is National Adoption Month! Bob and I are still thinking about adoption. I found a website that lists a bunch of places you can apply for grants for help with adoption costs. But you have to have had a home study already and that alone can cost upwards of $300. We are so broke right now that the thought of coming up with $300 for a home study is daunting at best. It just may not be the best time anyway, what with school starting next semester and with us thinking of moving in June. So, we'll keep thinking and praying on it and see where we are in another 6 months. BUT if you want to help others with their adoption costs, you can go here: http://www.shaohannahshope.org/about.cfm and donate $20 towards the adoption costs of someone who really needs your help. What better gift to give during National Adoption Month? You can also go here: http://www.davethomasfoundation.org/index.asp to request free posters and kits for your church/work to promote adoption and adoption awareness. There are so many kids out there who need good homes. Why not consider what you can do to help? If it's not to open your own home to an orphan, why not help others to adopt or promote adoption in your place of work or worship?

Have a great weekend y'all!

************************************** A Year Ago Today: November 19, 2003: More Surgery Talk

Oh my lack of willpower is a frightening thing. Someone brought in Perkins bakery muffins AND Krispy Kreme donuts this morning. I didnít even try to resist. Mmm.

The weather is weird here. Itís about 50 degrees right now and they are saying tomorrow it could get as warm as 60. But you know by next week or the week after we will be trudging through 8 feet of snow, right? At least thatís what we expect. The first year I lived in Minnesota (1998), the temp on my birthday was in the 60ís. There were brave souls waterskiing on the lakes and rivers. The very next week we got a record snowfall and temps delved into the below zeros. I remember this because I parked my car outside and had to scrape and shovel and have it jumped since it wouldnít start due to the cold, cold weather. Thatís the weather here in the land of 10,000 lakes.

Sweet Baboo and I had our big talk about the surgery last night. I told him I am going ahead and looking into it. I changed my mind about the December meeting and am instead waiting until the beginning of the new year to attend my first informational meeting. I am also going to sign up for WW, but will wait until they do their New Year, No Sign Up Fee promotion. That way I can get in for a little bit less. I am not looking forward to it, but I understand itís the only way my insurance company will OK the surgery.

Sweet Baboo is worried. He is afraid of losing me. I understand that fear because I feel the same way about him. However, the odds of losing me through obesity are huge as well. I donít wear my seatbelt in the car because I either canít get it all the way around me or if I do, itís not at all comfortable because itís as stretched out as it will go and cuts off my circulation. Diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, etc arenít problems for meÖyet. But at my size, it could happen at any time. We talked about all the things I donít do or canít do anymore because of my weight. I hate being this large. He knows it and he loves me and says itís my decision and he will be by me whatever I decide. He is going to come to the first meeting with me and will read the material from the website. He wants to be as well versed in the information, as I am so he can know what to expect. And then we pray.

We talked about how I donít go on walks any more because I canít walk more than 500 feet without my back hurting so badly that I have to stop. I get worn out cleaning our apartment. I want to get a bike, but I am too big to ride it right now. I canít fit into an airplane seat or even a theater seat comfortably. My gut touches the steering wheel in my car, no matter how far I back the seat up or how high I tilt the wheel.

Well meaning people have said I SHOULD get out and walk so at least Iím moving. Movement begets movement dontcha know. OK, but I canít even walk to the laundry room without stopping to rest once I get there. Itís embarrassing and I wish it werenít true. The only people who can really understand are the ones who have been there themselves. Itís like telling a depressed person to just snap out of it. YeahÖif they could, donít you think they would? Same with me. If I couldÖI would. No one else can really know the struggle that goes on inside me. No one else can understand how hard this is. I told SB last night that I am tired of being like this. I hate it. He knows and he loves me and is willing to let me do this so I can, hopefully, feel better and do better.

Iíve got an embarrassing admission. This is my hidden secretÖthe thing I hate for people to know about me. I have warts. Plantar warts cover my left foot and part of my right. I never had a problem with warts until I worked and worked out at a local health club. All the planning and protection in the world did not prevent me from picking up this awful illness. They are ugly and the hurt like the dickens. Sometimes they throb and ache so much I would gladly chop off my feet. I talked to my doctor about this and she said there is a new process to get rid of warts. It involves needles and takes 12 weeks to know if it was effective or not. I guess itís only effective in about half of the population. Great. So, we stick needles into my feet, shoot them full of yeast and then it may not work to rid my body of warts. Sounds like a plan, huh? But you know Iím going to try it. I just donít know when. Winter is a good time to do wacky things to your feet. No one in MN sees your feet until the first warm weather of summer. I think I will set that appointment up for next month.

Iíve been thinking about Extreme Makeover. I like that show a lot. I am not a big fan of plastic surgery, but I like seeing people looking pretty and feeling better about themselves. Why is that show such a phenomenon? I think itís because we all think there is actually a better version of ourselves hidden underneath our surface. Itís because we want someone to fix us. We sort of know what is wrong, but if someone could just take a look at us and say, ďYou there! You need bigger boobs, more highlights in your hair, weight training for your thighs and buttocks, and maybe chin and cheek implants. Also, better makeup, hair and fashion sense. Then you will look, feel and be better.Ē Maybe we donít want that is no many words, but we do want to be perceived as that better version of ourselves and if someone can come along and make that happen, well then so much the better. Thatís why they are getting all those taped appeals. ďFix me! Fix me and then my life will really be better.Ē Isnít that what we all think, way deep down? Maybe you donít think thatÖbut I do.

HeyÖside note to people who call meÖPLEASE DONíT BREATHE INTO THE PHONE! Itís sounds like Iím talking to a Sleastack from Land of the Lost. Or Darth Vader with asthma. Phones are not for breathing in. Sheesh!

I ordered a brand new crock-pot from Target.com. Itís sooooo pretty. Itís bigger and comes with a carrying case! This time I wonít drop itÖor it I do, the contents will be contained within the case. Target.com has this cool feature where you can track your packages from the order date all the way to your front door. Here is the path my crock-pot has taken so far:

Nov 19, 2003 11:39:00 AM LENEXA KS US UNLOAD SCAN

Nov 19, 2003 05:44:00 AM LENEXA KS US ARRIVAL SCAN

Nov 18, 2003 09:40:00 PM TULSA OK US DEPARTURE SCAN

Nov 18, 2003 06:29:03 PM TULSA OK US ORIGIN SCAN

Nov 18, 2003 03:11:26 PM Coffeyville KS USA SHIPPED

Nov 18, 2003 02:00:16 PM US BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED

Can someone tell me why my package would go from Kansas to Oklahoma and back to Kansas? That doesnít seem like the most efficient use of transportation, does it? I hope it will arrive by tomorrow or the next day. I really, really miss my crock-pot. It is so handy to use to make hot yummy meals. Come quickly to me my yummy meal-making friend!

25 Things I Want to be Able to do When I am Thinner Than I am Now.

1.) Walk

2.) Bike

3.) Run

4.) Dance

5.) Have my wedding dress altered to fit me and have a photo taken

6.) Wipe my behind without full body contortions

7.) Go grocery shopping without having to stop because my back hurts

8.) Park my car anywhere instead of circling for a closer spot

9.) Wear a belt

10.) Tuck in my shirts

11.) Go swimming without worrying about being harpooned as a fanciful whale

12.) Buckle my seatbelt without pulling all the extra belt out first

13.) Cross my legs

14.) See my feet

15.) Shave my legs without having to sit down

16.) See where I have to wash in the shower

17.) Eat without bending way over the table so as to not spill on my chest

18.) Sit comfortably in movie and theater seats

19.) Sit comfortably in airplane seats

20.) Sit down without worrying about the chair giving way

21.) Climb stairs

22.) Go to the State Fair without renting a scooter

23.) Go to various and sundry expos and trade shows

24.) Shop in regular clothing stores

25.) Take advantage of regular clothing storeís sale prices

2:07 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 19, 2004
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