sunflowery's Diaryland Diary

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Don't Read This Entry...It's Just a Whiney Rant

First off, let me say a great big THANK YOU to the beautiful, wonderful, talented, amazing, and oh so pretty Sandy for sending me the html for my archives page. Now if only I could figure out how to get them organized into months so it's not one huge list of entries.

Yesterday was a good day at work, but a hard day overall. Bob does out bills and while he was going over the money coming in and paying our bills the other day, he made a $200 error in which we thought we had $200 more in our account that we actually have. He discovered it last night and now we realize...we don't have any money for Christmas. We thought we had some, but after discovering Bob's accounting error, we have none. And we discovered this AFTER I spent my birthday money on new clothes for me. Had I known this beforehand, we would have used that money for Christmas. This just sucks. I don't blame Bob. It was a mistake anyone could make. He feels HORRIBLE about it. I feel horrible about it too, but not because of his error. Just because this is how our life it. I feel like a failure because I am not in a career where I can make enough money to take care of the two of us. We barely scrape by all the time and when we do save up a little to treat ourselves to a special occation, we feel guilty about it...as if we don't deserve it. Anyway, this does not bode well for our Florida "free" vacation either. We have money saved and set aside for that, but we may now end up having to use that for Christmas instead. Not all of it, of course, but a good chunk. This just sucks so much. If only I had stayed in college the first time around and gotten into a career where I could make some money.

The other stressor is the growing sense that Bob's muscles are continuing to degenerate at a rate that we didn't expect. He is finding it harder and harder to walk or stand for any length of time at all. This means he is having to spend more and more time in his chair which means that we really need to somehow get a handicapped accessible van. Don't know how or when but it needs to be happening soon. Otherwise Bob will be housebound most of the time. I would be fine with selling BOTH our vehicles and getting a van for him. We don't live far from my work. He could drop me off in the am and pick me up in the pm during the winter months and the rest of the year, I could ride my bike. He likes having 2 cars, but we just may have to give that up. I don't know. I am tired of thinking about it all. I am tired of trying to figure out how we are going to make ends meet and still provide Bob with some quality of life and mobility. I am tired of thinking we are finally getting ahead and finding some breathing room as far as our bills and expenses are concerned, only to find we are still smack against the wall with no place to wiggle at all. This just sucks.

On to a completely different topic, I went to the hospital to see my co-worker and her new baby last night and oh, my word! Her baby is BEAUTIFUL! She was 1 day old and so alert, awake and fully able to lift and turn her head on her own! I got to hold her and she is just a sweet little bundle of baby. She snorts when she cries and it's the cutest thing in the world. Mom and Dad are so proud and yet a little overwhelmed and nervous, but all are doing well. Of course I took a million photos, but I don't think they want pictures of their baby posted "out there" so I'm sorry. Just know that new born babies are amazing!

In other news, I finally got some Zithromax and my cough will hopefully be getting better. Can't wait. I was up until 2:30 last night hacking, hacking, hacking. It's weird. I can go almost the whole day with no cough and just a raspy, hoarsey voice...but by 10 the hacking and tickling and coughing starts in and nothing seems to make it better. I did take my last 2 teslon pearls and drink a mug of honey and lemon tea and that helped, but still, it was so late before I could even think about lying down.

And in still other news, I am down 2 more sizes since the last time I bought clothes. AND I found a long sleeve stripey T-shirt at Target for $3.25! The clearance rack ROCKS! Thank God for birthday money. I am now in a size I haven't seen since my last year of college. I am almost out of the 20's and into the teens and I haven't been there since high school. Amazing. Just simply amazing.

So, both family Christmases are this weekend and we don't know what we are going to do. Most likely, we will just take from what we have scrimped to put away for the Florida trip. And then, when we get to Florida on our free flight, we will just stay in our free time share and that's it. Who knows. Maybe I will see if I can work a bunch of overtime these next 2 weeks and see if that helps at all. It couldn't hurt and I would sure be ready for a vacation. Money sucks.

*************************************** A Year Ago Today: December 17, 2003: Another Day Another Fajita

My husband has discovered Aldis. One just opened across the street from our apartment building and my husband was over there 3 times yesterday:-) The bargains to be had are amazing! The scary thing is that he also bought my Christmas presents there. What in the world could they be? But Aldis? Amazing store!

Last night was try 2 in kitty peace negotiations. It didnít go over very well. Once again, Daisy's hunger overcomes her fear, though she growls and hisses the whole time sheís eating. Maisey's curiosity overwhelmes her hunger. It turned into kitty smack down, but it wasnít too bad. Maisey just wants to play with Daisy and Daisy wants none of that.

I got some new yarn that is the softest stuff I have ever felt. So, only 2 more scarves to knit by Sunday!

Sunday is Sweet Baboo's family christmas get together. Itís a picnic theme, so weíre to bring meat to grill and a dish to pass. Weíre not going to bring meat...SB is making his famous tuna salad and I am going to make enchilada hotdish. MMMMMM. Hopefully it will go over well.

I canít believe Itís only Wednesday today. I am beat and feel like Itís Friday. Why canít it be Friday???

We had food catered in from one of my favorite Mexican restaurants today. Yum! Itís so nice to have good food catered in for free.

December 18, 2003: A Plea For Help and Remembering the 80's.

Sweet Baboo and I watched the special Oprah in Africa last night and I have to say that I still think adoption is an option for us. It doesnít make sense when you take into account SB's health and our financial situation right now. But both of us were crying by the end and every child pulled at our heart. SB's brother is a missionary in South Africa and we wonder if there is a way to adopt there since he would know how to deal with the government and the language and whatnot. Also, we might be able to stay with them if we had to travel there, so it would save costs in the long run. Man, we want to be mommy and daddy to those parentless children. I read an article about Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman who said their adopted daughters are the children of their hearts while their other children are the children of their mommy's tummy. Cute! Thatís how we feel. That there are children out there who are the children of our hearts. Come home children! We have a place waiting for you.

Today I was listening to the radio and a song came on that I hadn't heard since 1987. And I knew every word! Sometimes I miss the 80's with their big hair and big shoulders and skinny, narrow pants and buttoned up collars. *sigh*

Hey...can anyone help me with something? I have an Amazon wishlist and I want to post it here on my journal. Do you know how to do that? I am an HTML novice and can do somethings and am able to figure out others, but this baffles me to no end. Please email me or leave a comment if you can help me. Thanks!

Our mailbox has been crowded with lovely, lovely Christmas cards, thanks to the Weetabix Christmas card exchange. Thank you one and all! And golfwidow...the hot cocoa was amazing!

Thanks for reading.

10:20 a.m. - Friday, Dec. 17, 2004
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