sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


WLS Info Meeting Day!

Today is WLS Info Meeting Day! Yay! I am at work until 2:30 and then off to pick up my husband and attend a meeting I hope will help change my life forever. I canít wait! Supe is nervous about it though. He admitted as much to me last night. Heís afraid I am doing it for more cosmetic reasons rather than health reasons. I will admit, looking better is one of my goals. But so is feeling better and just being better. I want to be able to dance, bike, and maybe even run. Although I will admit that even when I was young, thin and full of energy, I was horrible at running. I was always the last one over the finish line for the annual 440 race we had to run in grade school. I was a better high and long jumper than a runner. Anyway, I see these weight loss stories on TV, everyone is always running marathons and 5Ks, and I wonder if I could do that. I really would like to try.

I finished typing up a letter to Oprah about my husband and how I think he is the most romantic man in the world. I am going to tweak it today and send it off to her. I also created a mini photo album of pics of him in various poses and stages of life. Itís pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. I wonder if anyone will even look twice at it.

Last night when I was reading from the Mary Jo Copeland book, our cat Daisy propped her feet on my leg and stood there looking for all the world like she was reading along with me. If there had been photos, it would have looked like she was looking at the photos. It was the cutest thing! Then, later, when we were praying, she came up along side me, laid her front paws on my bedside table and put her head down. When Supe and I looked up, it looked like she was praying with us. She is such a cutie. She sure is hard to photograph though. She moves all the time. Last night I had to put her in the bathroom because every time I just drifted off to sleep, she would do something playful and wake me up. First she was playing with the mini blind cords. Then she found her squeaky mouse toy. Then she decided it would be fun to run around the room really fast and jump from one bed to the other and back again.

Today I got to work and found out that I had created some controversy. I had not known it at the time, but yesterday I had a banker who asked me a question I couldnít answer. I tried to find my boss, but when I saw that she was out, I went to a co-worker I know to be knowledgeable about such things and asked her. I found out late that another co-worker commented to yet a third co-worker that I should have known the answer to that question and why was I on the phones if I couldnít answer such questions. The third co-worker is a friend of mine and she stuck up for me saying it wasnít so common a question and isnít it better to ask than just tell the banker you donít know? Apparently, the nosey, snotty co-worker I call My Babysitter brought it up again this morning to my co-worker friend and they ended up getting into a fight about it. This time my boss got involved. I would never have known anything about it if my co-worker friend hadnít said anything to me about what happened. The gal I call My Babysitter is the type of person who gets involved in everyone elseís business but wants her privacy. She is a brown noser to our boss, but kind of sassy and snotty to the rest of us. She wants to look good while trying to make the rest of us look bad. Fortunately, everyone knows this and takes her with a grain of salt. I usually donít have many problems with her and can usually ignore her. She doesnít work near me and our jobs are such that we arenít required to work together on projects or anything, so itís pretty easy to stay away from her. I just hate office politic-y stuff like that though. I always feel so awkward around herÖas if Iím not doing my best or not measuring up to her standardsÖwhen really, weíre at the same level. She is a peer and a co-workerÖnot a boss, not a manager and not a supervisor. I know it will all work out in the endÖitís just frustrating to have to deal with this piddly stuff on top of stressful workplace stuff. The trick is to learn to work together in the midst of it all instead of letting the little stuff get to me and take over my focus.

I donít know if I will watch Average Joe or not. The first one really bugged me for all kinds of reasons. I taped it, so maybe I will watch the first one, see how it goes and decide from there. I AM, however, excited about Celebrity Mole 2 and The Surreal Life 2. Tammy Faye Baker?????? How did they get her on The Surreal Life? And from the promos, it looks like she was getting really familiar with that former porn star guy. Blech!

Iím all dizzy and light headed todayÖdonít know why unless itís because of my lack of sleep last night. I just hope Iím not coming down with the crud thatís been going around here lately. Nothing is going to keep me from the info meeting today either. Hopefully this will go away all on its own. Iíll let you know.

_________________________________________ A Year Ago Today: January 06, 2003 Expectations and Reality Well the first weekend of the year is over. My Sweet Baboo and I went to Duluth to just get away. I must admit, we both had some expectations and I would say they were all unmet.

When we first got into Duluth, my husband kept commenting that there must be 2 Holiday Inns because the one we saw at first was too far from the waterfront and we were supposed to have a lake view. But of course, we were at the right one. We got a king room on the 10th floor and while we did have a nice view of the lake, there were two buildings right in the middle of our view. Not exactly what SB was looking for or expecting. He started to get all pouty and upset. Overall it was a nice room and a nice view if you looked around the buildings.

We went down to the sports bar for a couple of free drinks (provided by the hotel) and had a pretty good time there. SB can really pack away the drinks though! He had four or five Long Island Ice Teas. I had two glasses of White Zin and two glasses of Pepsi (and I HATE Pepsi). We had a nice talk about stuff going on in our marriage though.

It started with me commenting on how snappy we were with each other on the way up to Duluth. Every little thing was setting us off and it was annoying. I hate being that way and rarely am. But SB was really complain-y and whiney and I do not know what to do when he gets like that. That conversation morphed into a discussion about expectations and whatís going on with SBís plans for the future.

Heís been out of work since the last week of May and hasnít really done anything about it. Now his unemployment has run out and SSI has kicked in, but itís not really enough for us to live on. Iím carrying both of us on my insurance and am feeling the brunt of the income making in our household.

I told SB that if he plans on being home, he needs to do more to help me out as I canít work full time and pick up after him. He leaves his dishes and wrappers and stuff all over where ever heís been sitting all day. I get home and the place is a mess! I have to make dinner (which I donít mind) AND pick up after him (Which I do mind).

He said he would do more to take up the slack and that he will start looking for a job more actively. He is scared that there is nothing out there that will be challenging enough for him and still be able to accompany his limitations. I understand his fear. But I am scared that he is doomed to live his life at our kitchen table watching Family Feud and The Price is Right.

Itís funny. I love this man so much and feel so bad that all of this has happened. But it hasnít just happened to him, itís happened to me too. This is why there are vows recited at weddings. I tend to wonder if I had known these things were coming, would I have been so all-fire excited to marry this man? Iíd like to think so. Iím not going anywhere, Iíd like to think Iíd follow through in marrying him.

He is still my best friend and the best man I have ever known. He still makes me feel like a treasured princess and cherished lover. He knows just what to say and do to get me to melt. Weíve only been married a year and 3 months, so who knows what else we will have to endure. Might as well dig in and get settled:-)

Anyway...back to Duluth. We spent most of the weekend in bed. And not in the fun way. SB was sore and achy almost the whole time so we just hung out in the hotel room. He didnít want to go take a whirlpool or sauna, he just napped or slept.

I did manage to get him out once. We went for a drive up the North Shore and it was beautiful! Cold and windy, but I never get sick of looking at Lake Superior, no matter the season.

We found a wonderful little yarn shop and SB gave me some cash to shop with. I lost track of time and came out about an hour and 15 minutes later. SB was MAD! I didnít know he had a time limit on me. And it wasnít like I knew what I was looking for. I was just poking around. I didnít buy any yarn, but instead got some knitting needles and a beginner book. I want to teach myself to knit this year since I taught myself to crochet last year. SB got over it, but the rest of the weekend, he kept going over and over how long he had waited and how I need to be more considerate. Yes, I GOT IT! Sheesh.

On our way back to the hotel, we parked at Canal Park and I got out to take some pictures. I noticed that the lift bridge was going up and we realized that a ship was coming in to dock. I got some really good photos of it with my new digital camera. I was surprised it did so well in such low light. But it was a good surprise.

We got back to the hotel and I read while SB rested. We tried to get physical, but his muscles werenít having it. Lots of pain for him means not so much fun stuff for us.

So, here SB thought we would be lakeside and have a romantic view with quick access to the amenities. His hopes were dashed. And I thought we would be having this totally romantic getaway where all we did was stay in bed and make love. Both of us had unrealistic expectations given the circumstances and I think we both left a little disappointed, though we didnít relate that to the other.

I do have to say that the drive home was fun though! We stopped at Black Bear Casino to check out their Sunday Brunch Buffet. It was really good and quite reasonable. On the way out, we stopped to play the quarter slots. Iím not much of a gambling girl, but we had fun. We found two machines next to each other and while SB did better than I did, we each made out OK. I think we broke even...maybe not...but it was fun! I stopped at Wal-mart on the way back as Iíd been given gift cards there for Christmas. I used them to get the little hand vac Iíd asked everybody for! Now I donít have to lug the big regular vac out just to clean up after Maiseyís litter messes. Itís little but itís stinking loud. I turned it on for the first time last night and the cat about had a heart attack. She jumped so high I was afraid sheíd get stuck on the ceiling like those cartoon cats.

So, we started off the New Year quietly and with a little disappointment. Still, anything is better than last year. When I think back on how devastating SBís diagnosis was and how MD sounded like a death sentence...I just almost lose it all over again. Hopefully this year will be better, especially where his MD is concerned.

10:51 a.m. - Tuesday, Jan. 06, 2004


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