sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Still Thankful

Item #51 that I am thankful for: I am thankful that Supe's new power wheelchair is in and ready for his "fitting" and it didn't cost us a dime, except for that which we pay out in insurance premiums. Insurance picked up all but the deductable and MDA picked up the deductable. Yay! --------------------------------------- A Year Ago Today: March 10, 2003 "F" is For Fearsome and Frightful and For What?

Today's entry is brought to you by Alphabytes and the Letter "F" for Fearsome: fear*some

Causing or capable of causing fear: "The Devil is a fearsome enemy" (Jimmy Breslin). Fearful; timid.

fearsome*ly adv.

fearsome*ness n.

This weekend was fearsome due to my husband's illness. We didn't do anything and he got sicker and sicker. His feet and ankles and stomach are just hugely swollen. He can't sleep, he can't eat, he finds it difficult to breath and just walking to the bedroom causes him a lot of stress and deep breathing. He is really not doing well. I went to bed last night crying because I was so scared of the possibility of losing him. I was truly afraid that if I let go his hand, he would slip away from me. I have never been so scared. He was great though! So brave and so tender and loving. What a kind and wonderful man!

We were waiting for this morning to get here so he could talk to his doctor, but apparently she is off today...has been for 4 days and hasn't seen all his tests yet. He was sooooooo upset. Also, the doctor's office had our number wrong so even if they had tried to call us, they were getting a wrong number. They want him to go in for an EKG tomorrow, which is not what he wanted to hear either. Poor baby. He is just so tired and worn out. He just wants to be better and I just wish there was something I could do to help him. I feel so scared and helpless. I cannot lose this man. What the heck is wrong with him? I have read maladies that resemble his symptoms...everything from liver and kidney damage to cancer and common maladies such as the flu. I called the nurse line at his doctor's office in hopes someone could help, but so far, no one has called me back.

Why does SB have to go through all of this? What has he ever done to deserve this pain and frustration? Now he is afraid that this illness if caused by something he did in his rebellious youth. He really thinks it might be cancer or cirrosis or something dark and scary that is the result of too much partying. So, pain and illness plus guilt. Nice combo. I wish I could just take it all away.

So, more waiting. Also, tomorrow I have my Hydroscan at the hospital to see what was up with the pain in my side 2 weeks ago. What I wouldn't give to be the one in pain rather than my husband.

On the lighter side, I had a dream Saturday night into Sunday that I met Sadam Hussein at the city fair. Yes, That's right. I shook the hand of the man who is shaking up the world right now. Don't know where that came from, but it was bizarre.

So, more waiting and weird dreams. Who said life is boring? Not me...never again.

Thanks for reading.

2:24 p.m. - Wednesday, Mar. 10, 2004


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