sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Crabby Crybaby

Things are crazy at work this week. If you work with IRAs or Annuities, you understand. My workday just got longer too…8-5 with a ½ hour for lunch and no other breaks. On the phones the whole time with calls holding. FUN! At least we are paid overtime. But it is tax week…otherwise known as the week from hell. In only 40 minutes this morning, I took 15 calls!

I have received a lot of positive feedback from the radio interview. Many people have said I should go into the radio business. I guess they don’t know that many moons ago I was in the radio business. I worked as the morning drive announcer for a small station in a bedroom community in Maryland. I was also a reporter for a news station in Madison, WI, as well as the fill in news anchor for another station in Madison. I LOVED it! The only bad thing about working in radio is that it pays bupkiss and your job is always tenuous at best because formats change overnight at the whim of the station owners. One day you could be morning drive announcer at a top 40 or hard rock station, the next day you are the farm reporter for a vintage country station…if you can handle that. But I do miss radio very much and I was really good at it. It is just a hard business to get into unless you are at the right place at the right time. Anyway, I do feel good about the interview and hope the subsequent updates go just as well.

When work gets overwhelming an stressful, as it has been so far this week, I tend to get caught up in a cycle of negative thinking for some reason. I am working on that, but right now am struggling with all kinds of thoughts about what I perceive to be my failures in life. I have wasted many an opportunity because, at the time, I didn’t see what I had until it was gone.

For instance, I flunked out of college the first time I went. I flunked out of an expensive private college for a couple of reasons: A.) I was more concerned about my social life and making and keeping friends than I was my education. B.) I did not know what I wanted to do with my life, other that be a wife and mommy. I did not know what I was good enough to do for a living and didn’t feel any burning desire to pursue any given career. We all know I did not get married until I was 32, so I wasted 14 good years mostly at nowhere jobs just to get by. Thankfully, I am now at a job where advancement is possible and encouraged. As is job shadowing and education. I went back to college, got my AA, and made the Dean’s List, but I never did end up getting my BA. I came to MN to do just that but stuff kept getting in the way; time, finances, marriage, and now work.

When I lived in Maryland and the radio job ended and they fired me from my other job (On Christmas Eve DAY!), I looked for work for 3 full months before finally giving up and moving back home. I should have stayed and tried harder. I could have gone back to school then.

I just feel like I should be so much farther ahead. We should own a house by now. We should be parents. We should have a college fund for the kidlets and a vacation fund for the annual family trip. We should have furniture that matches. Shouldn’t we?

Last night as Supe held me and told me how proud he is of me, I just cried and cried because I felt like a fraud. I felt like a complete and utter failure. I wish I had more to give him. I wish we had resources available for an accessible house and van.

I know stuff and status does not mean I have become a success. I know that in my head. But when my friends start having babies and buying houses and moving up in their careers, I feel stagnant and left behind. I feel jealous and green with envy. I feel like I have failed. I am working through this…but I think it will take a while.

Things I am crabby about today:

- Bankers who DON”T introduce themselves before launching into what they need

- That blond David Cassidy wannabe on the T-Mobile commercial. HATE him!

- Still…Old Navy commercials

- Hobbit John is still on American Idol

- Someone brought Krispy Kremes to work today!

- They are STILL playing the stupid diamond commercial where the guy screams his love for his wife in a quaint square in Italy and she doesn’t declare her love for him until he whips out the bling bling..

- When will 70’s inspired fashions be out of style again?

- I am already hungry and lunch isn’t for 2 more hours

- Bankers who sniffle, breathe, and chew into the phone

- Bankers who give me SS#s in this format: XXX-XXX-XXX instead of the traditional XXX-XX-XXXX format. I don’t know why this bugs me, it just does.

- Having the late lunch and then having to smell everyone else’s lunch as they eat at their desk. My tummy is rumbling!!!!!

- These pants keep making my underwear creep down my hips and buttocks.

- I spilled milk on my shirt at breakfast and now it looks like I’m lactating.

- Bankers who are talking on their cell phone when I answer my phone and then they put me on hold to talk to the person on their cell.

- Calls waiting while I’m on hold waiting for banker to finish cell phone call.

- 40 days until the surgery…seems much too far away.

- It still burns me that Average Joe Adam picked the chick with the stupid dog.

- Trish on The Bachelor, but more so the pro cheerleader who keeps saying Hottie!

I think that is enough stuff, huh? Have a good day and don’t forget to file your taxes.


A Year Ago Today: None for today

12:07 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 13, 2004


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