sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


My One Month Anniversary

I had my 5 week/1 month appointment at the bariatric clinic today. I weighed in at 321...exactally 40lbs less than when I first started. 40lbs gone forever.

Today's meeting was with the nurse clinician. We went over how I'm doing (generally good) and my vitamin supplement intake (good except need to add calcium supplement). We also talked about my protein intake...I need more and I need to eat smaller meals and only take 20-30 minutes. I've been eating a little too much, but taking an hour to eat. At this point in my recovery, I should only be eating 2-3 tbsp of food for each meal. That's 2-3 tbsp total! By 3 months out that number grows to 1/4 cup. At 6 months, 1/2 cup. And at 1 year and beyond, 1 full cup of food per meal. I should be taking in 40-60 grams of protein per day, 64+ oz of water/fluid per day and no drinking with meals or snacking outside of my 3 squares a day.

In talking with my nurse, it turns out that the mucus that I have been dealing with when something gets stuck, is actually "vomit". I don't gag or retch, but I get the mucusy froth that is associated with the body trying to either get the stuck food to go up or down. Great. Also, the one time I ate that regular fudgecicle, I probably did dump. My nurse said not all people experience diaherria...sometimes they just feel as though they need to lay down and that's how I felt. So, yay! I guess.

While I was at the clinic, I saw a book on the reception table that I think I should get. It's called, "The Success Habits of Weight Loss Surgery" by Colleen Cook. The clinic's copy was missing pages though, so I hope if I get a copy of it, it comes whole.

I also got a list of therapists they recommend to patients re: food issues and weight loss surgery success, so I will be going down the list, seeing if any are covered by my insurance. I hope I can find a good one.

One the way back to work, I stopped at Walgreen's and got some Viactive Calcium supplements. There is a lot of debate in the WLS community about Calcium Citrate vs. Calcium Carbonate and which is better absorbed by WLS patients. I also got a couple of pool toys because I have wanted to go swimming, but do not have a noodle at home. Now, I have 2!

I also made some daily food diaries to stick in my daily planner. I wrote to the daily planner company and sent them a copy of my home made deal-y to see if they would consider making some up for people to order for their day planners. I am nothing if not efficient. Anyway, I have the ones I made up, I just have to figure out how to punch holes in them as they need to have 6 tiny holes in order to fit.

I may get to see my nephews this weekend, though I will be missing my brother and sister-in-law. There is a parternal family shin dig going on here in town this Sunday. My parents will be there and it looks like they will have my nephews. Yay! It may be the only time all summer I will get to see them as they have a busy summer planned. Our July is packed, and August is filling up...but I'm hoping to get down to see the whole fam damily over Labor day.

The super came over yesterday to take a look at our leaky smoke alarm. Turns out the water was coming from the 3rd floor and not the 2nd as we expected. Who'd a thunk? They have to fix the leak before they can fix our alarm though, so hopefully there won't be any fires in the meantime.


A Year Ago Today: June 24, 2003

I had a weird dream the other night. It was in 2 parts and neither really had anything to do with the other.

The first part was about me going to Australia. For some reason I was called to go Down Under at the last minute. I hopped on a plane, landed, traipsed through the airport and spent the rest of my dream in a hotel in Australia speaking to punk teenagers who were bucking authority. Weird, I know. I donít remember much. I remember being soooo frustrated that I was stuck in this hotel and couldn't get out and sightsee. I remember talking to one young man. He was sitting on his bunkbed and was all angry. We were talking about sex. He was saying it was no big deal...just sex. I was saying that God didnít give us rules to prohibit our fun. He gave these guidelines to us to protect us because he loves us. The kid wasnít getting it and I was just frustrated. All too soon it was time for me to fly back to states. But our "team" was moving on to Romania. (I am not sure what team I was a part of though.)

Once in the states, I went over to a guy's house. In my dream it turns out that Bob has passed away. This "guy" was my new fiancee. His wife was also deceased. He has 2 young children. I was coming to his house to meet his kids, family and friends. It was such a sweet and tender dream. We were still in that new stage of love where we were kind of shy and tender and sweet. I fell in love with his kids. He had an older boy and a very young daughter. I think his boy was 8 and his daughter 17 months. I liked his friends and I LOVED his house. It was a big old victorian-styled home on a river.

It was funny because he was saying he had been trying to get a hold of me and wondered where I was. I laughed and said he wouldnít believe me but that I had been called away to Australia and hadn't had a minute to get a hold of him. Then I told him about what had happened while I was there.

We toured his house, met family and made some wedding preparations. It was just a very sweet dream, tempered with sadness due to the loss of our spouses and the reality that we never would have met and fallen in love if our spouses had lived. Bittersweet and soooo real.

I woke up wondering if either of those dreams was prophetic. I donít believe that every dream you have means something. Some dreams are a result of the pizza you had an hour before bed. Some come from an over active imagination and subconscious. But I do believe that there are some dreams given to you to teach, warn, instruct, etc. I just donít think this was one of those. As real as it was and as much as I still remember and carry with me, I donít think it was anything more than a story in my head.

My husband is such a wonderful man! I came home last night (after a truly horrible day) to find him on our patio with Jorge and Raymundo. Instead of going outside to join them, I went into our room and read. He came in about 10 minutes later and said he is going to help Jorge set up his aquarium. Appartently Jorge's fish have all been dying. His parents have put all the money they are going to put into Jorge's fish and now he is sad. He told Bob he wants an aquarium just like his. So today Bob is going to go get some bottled water, fish food and marbles so he can set up Jorge's tank. Tomorrow he is going to go get the fish for Jorge. Bob said Jorge is sooooo excited. I bet that kid will hardly be able to sit still in summer school today. Bob loves that kid. He is excited himself. He was up and at'em at 7 this morning and was going to get to the store by 9am. Jorge won't be home from summer school until around 3, but Bob will have all the stuff ready hours before that. Boys of all sizes are so much fun!

This week has been hard because the yearning is back. I just want a child so badly. When I was single I used to say, "I can be single for as long as need be if I could just know for sure if marriage is coming." I feel that way about kids too. I can wait as long as it takes, if I could just know for sure kids are part of the plan for our lives. Just a yes or no would be great. Maybe also a "when".

It seems like Iím not even supposed to think about having a baby of my own. I had lost track of my period. I hadn't written down when to expect it and thought it should be any day. Each day went by and no sign of it. Not even the symptoms that usually preceed it. So on Saturday we were driving home from visiting Bob's sister and her family at the campground they were staying at. I allowed the wind blowing through the open window and the dark sky filling with stars to bring me to dreamland. I started to think I might have to take the pregnancy test that is sitting in our medicine cabinet. I started to dream about being pregnant and having our baby. We got home, I walked into the bathroom and found...I got my period. Man! I just allowed myself 10 minutes of daydreaming only to run smack into reality.

Adoption is still our heart, but the finances are prohibitive. Still praying that in. But the yearning is so strong this week, it has been hard to pray. I think about that dream it I knew Bob was gone. This man's wife was gone. But he had children. I didnít have any. I remember thinking in my dream that I would finally be a mother. I hope thatís not how it happens. I want Bob's children. Whether or not they come from us, I want to be a parent with Bob. I want us to be a family together.

Today is a perfect example. Maisey is NOT allowed in our bedroom anymore due to her nasty little habit of peeing on our beds when she is mad or upset with us. With the hot and humid weather weíve been having, we have our air conditioner on and all kinds of fans blowing the cool air from the living room into our bedroom. We have to leave the door open. Maisey knows sheís not allowed in there and yet she has snuck in there and slept on our beds overnight. This morning Bob happened to be awake and saw her sleeping on my bed. After my alarm went off the fist time, he saw Maisey wake up, get up, stretch and saunter out of our room. As though she never was there at all. He said he didnít want to kick her out because he felt so badly for her. He has a father's heart. He has grace and mercy down flat. I, on the other hand, am not so forgiving. Maisey got 3 chances and blew all 3 of them. She is not allowed in the room through her own fault, not ours. I would have kicked her out if I had seen her. I need to learn grace and mercy and I want Bob to be around for years and years so he can teach me...and our kids.

Thanks for reading.

2:33 p.m. - Thursday, Jun. 24, 2004


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