sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


5 Stages of Grief Equals One Angry Gal

Not having a good day, new stomach-wise. Last night I had a couple bites of baked potato. I have had baked potato before. I made sure I took small bites, chewed well and I don't think I ate too fast. But it didn't sit very well and eventually, I threw up. I was miserable for most of the evening and didn't make for very good company for Bob. Poor boy. He wants to sit next to me and hold me and cuddle me and all I want is for everyone to leave me alone and let me urp in peace.

Then this morning I had my usual 2 oz of yogurt and the same thing happened. I felt yucky. It didn't feel like it was sitting well and I threw up. While I was on the phone with a banker. I had my mic set to mute, but still. Gross.

I took my vitamins later and so far they are staying down. And I have eaten a couple of bites of cool watermelon and that's been fine. I called my nurse clinician but she was meeting with a patient and wasn't available. I left her a voice mail, but haven't heard back from her. No clue what's wrong. Bah!

So, I'm all set for schooling and testing to get my life/health insurance license. I will be schooling August 23rd-26th and August 30-31 and then my test will be Sept 1 at 11am. I am nervous, but ready. I should have done this a year ago. If I pass, it could mean a raise next year at review time. Go me!

So, I believe I am experiencing the 5 stages of grief in regards to food, eating and the way things used to be. I like losing the weight, but everything else sucks right now. I am in the angry state. (the stages are: 1.) Denial, 2.) Anger, 3.) Bargaining, 4.) Depression, and 5.) Acceptance) I am angry about everything food related right now. This barfing thing doesn't help matters any.

I am back to wishing I never had to eat at all. I felt that way before the surgery when I was 361 lbs. But I felt that way because food had (has) such a hold on me and I was wishing I could quit eating cold turkey. Now, eating is such a hassle, I just wish I could do without it all together. Bah!

But it's also that time of month and the cravings have been murder for me. Yesterday I craved Cheetos, Regular sugar laden Coke, and Hersey's Carmel Treasures. Did I give in the cravings? Just one. I had 2 Cheetos. I gave the rest to my husband. They were the best Cheetos ever. AND they stayed down.


A Year Ago Today: July 01, 2003

New Roommates and Beauty School

I will try my best to stop all the whining. Sheesh.

Well, Itís official. Lori and Lyndsey are moving in. They have to be out of their place by 6pm tonight. They will then be in our place. Actually, Lori will be with us first. Lyndsey is staying with her aunt in WI for a week or so first.

They may not be with us as long as we previously thought. They may be moving in with Lori's sister and her husband near Hudson. Lynds wants to go to school there and they have space for them to live there. The only problem being a job for Lori. So, we shall see what transpires. Lori does currently have a temp position for the next month. So hopefully we will know more as we go.

I spent the evening helping them move stuff. I HATE moving so much and canít even imagine being in the position they are in. They still have stuff to pack and they are getting rid of a lot of their heavy furniture such as their sofa, a bed, dresser, etc. And they basically have no help. No one to help haul stuff. No one to help pack. Just the 2 of them. I did what I could and wished it could be more.

Yesterday at work was kind of craptacular. An agent came into my office and asked me what the zip code for Inver Grove Heights is. Ummmmm. You might as well ask me what the zip code for Seattle is. How the heck do I know?

Then SM kept telling me how great her daughter is doing in beauty school and I should have her do something for me. Nails, Hair, Color, etc. She said it would only cost me $25.00 and I should really consider it. Should I take this as a hint? Should I be flattered or insulted or just ambivilent? SM said her daughter is giving her a perm soon. That should be interesting.

I go to a professional salon for my hair cuts, or I go to my friend Deb, who works in a professional salon. I donít color anymore as Iím not gray yet and donít think I should start the color process again until then. I did go through a phase where I colored my hair at home myself. But after that all grew out, I stopped. I like my natural color. Itís dark, but itís a nice pretty brown with red highlights. I tend to like it more red, but I have a hard time getting it red without the ORANGE.

I donít get my toe or fingernails done professionally, though I do paint my toenails and keep my fingernails clipped short and well groomed.

Iím not sure what to make of SM's suggestions, but they are getting old.

Tonight when I get home Itís catbox cleaning time and I need to put clean sheets on the bed in preparation for Lori's arrival. Should be an interesting month.

Thanks for reading.

12:08 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 01, 2004


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