sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Nigerian Soccer Players Stunk Up Our Garage

The weekends always go too fast. Even when we do nothing.

Saturday was a day of nothing. Well, actually, we did go grocery shopping and spent too much on meat. But they were having a buy one, get one free special, and with my new protein needs, meat is always good to have around. I also bought something I've never seen before. They had tiny, personal size, seedless watermelons! It was a little smaller than my head and when I cut it open and ate some of it, it was so sweet and juicy! Mmmmmm.

After grocery shopping, I put everything away and broke down the meat into meal size portions for me and Bob. That took forever and my little kitties were the beggingest beggars that ever begged. Meowling little fools.

The weather was kind of crappy all day, but we really needed the rain. I felt sorry for all the folks at the Luis Palau/Twin Cities Festival, but by noon, the rain cleared and though it stayed cloudy most of the rest of the day, the rain held off.

Our neighbor, Becky, came by to tell us to make sure we kept our windows open all day as our next door neighbors had left their beater car running ALL NIGHT in the underground garage. She went down there to start her van and she said it was FILLED with exhaust. The windows to the car were open, so she turned off the car and took the key out. Then she called our apartment manager and took the key to our neighbors to complain. Don't know what ever became of that as we didn't hear yelling and she didn't come back to fill us in. Who leaves their car running all night in an enclosed parking structure? Drunk Nigerian soccer players, that's who!

We were watching the news at 10 and they showed this gal we know from church at the Festival. They even interviewed her. It was quite exciting. I caught a glimpse of her in the crowd right away and said, "that's Polly! There's Polly!" and then they interviewed her. I had been looking for Bob's sister and her family as we knew they would be there. Polly wasn't in church on Sunday so I couldn't congratulate her on her new found celebrity status.

Sunday started out scary. I woke Bob up for church and he said he wasn't feeling well. He said his hips hurt so badly he could barely stand and when he did, he wasn't very stable. He also said he felt queesy and had been in and out of the bathroom all night with the runs. I told him to stay home but he wouldn't hear of it. We were to be at the front of the church after the service as part of the alter team and he didn't want to miss. I helped dress him and told him to lay in bed until we were ready to go. At that time, I got his manual chair, helped him out of bed and noticed how hot he was to the touch. I tried again to get him to stay home, but when he has an idea in his head, he is more stubborn than a mule on crack.

So, we get to the truck, he gets in, I load up the chair and get in. We are 1 block from our apartment. I am praying for him to feel better. In the middle of my prayer, Bob asks if we have anything in the truck into which he can throw up. I immediately stop the truck and he opens his door and dry heaves for several minutes. I whip the truck around and take him back home. He apologizes up one side and down the other and I just worry. I would stay home, but one of us has to be at church today.

We don't know why he's sick. I haven't been sick. Where did he pick it up from? Is it his meds? Is it the pain he's been in morning 'til night? Is it that he slept poorly and eats once a day or less (don't ask...this drives me up the wall and I can do NOTHING to control it and I refuse to nag.)? Could it be related to a scarier, more invasive thing? Of course that's what I focused on the whole way to church, working myself up into quite a little frenzy just in time to join worship.

Come the end of the service, I stood at the front and waited for people needing prayer to come forward, but thanfully (?), this turned out to be one of the Sundays everyone just headed for the back. I was stopped several times in order to be asked where Bob was and how he was doing and each time I replied, I cried. People prayed with me and for Bob. So comforting.

On the way home I wondered if I would need to call an ambulance and if there was anything unusual, I was going to insist I do so. I made a mental list of everyone that would need to be called and things that had to get done.

I ran to the door, opened it up only to be greeted by my now cool headed, regular skin toned husband. He said he had gone right to bed and around 11:30, felt 90% better so he got up and started doing the laundry. In fact, he was starving and would I please make him a hotdish (or casserole to those of you not living in the MN area.) please as that is what he was craving.

I had worked myself up into frantic mode and after the anticlimactic greeting, I had to go into the bedroom and just chill for a while. Of course, I was SO grateful for the return of his was such a turnaround and joy. Yay! Although, he had had an accident on the bathroom floor that I had to clean up, but he was feeling good, so I was happy.

I did make him a hotdish. I made one up as I went along. I cut up some onions and garlic and browned them. Then added some ground beef and browned that. In another pot, I boiled water and added whole wheat rotini. Once the hamburger was browned, I added a can of chili ready tomatoes, a tiny can of tomato sauce and 1 can of hormel chili with beans with the sauce strained out. Once the noodles were done, I strained them and put them in a casserole dish and covered them with the chili/meat mixture. I added a dash of chili powder and mixed it all up. Before placing in the oven to cook, I added shredded cheddar cheese. I cooked it at 400 degrees for about 25 minutes and served it up hot. Bob was drooling and he LOVED it! He said it was better than any hamburger helper he'd ever had. Duh! It's home made and made up by me. Hee.

Not being able to eat the noodles, cheese or ground beef, I was trying to come up with something for me to eat for lunch when all of a sudden, I felt so ill. I ran to the sink and dry heaved for what felt like minutes. After that, I just took some cool water to the couch and laid down for the rest of the afternoon. I felt better by bedtime, but it was so hot and humid that it was hard to tell.

I started crocheting some dishclothes again. I have a bunch of yarn to use up, so I am crocheting these for our United Way raffle. I am hoping to get back into the frame of mind i need to be in to restart my mom's scarf. The one I was supposed to finish this past winter but didn't. The one I tried to finish while I was home recouping from surgery but didn't because I made too many mistakes and the yarn got tangled and I got frustrated and whipped the whole thing down the hill in our yard. Yeah, that scarf. Here's hoping I can get it done before THIS winter.


A Year Ago Today: August 09, 2003

What Do We Do With The Dreams? (Ed: This sounds familiar.)

I really donít want to just be someone's aunt. Thatís the advice we got from a dear and beloved friend. He knows whereof he speaks as there is the same type of MD in his family as Bob has. But still...I sobbed when I read that. I donít want to be special to someone else's kids. I want my own kids. I want to be a mom. How do I reconcile that dream, desire, goal with our reality? With the reality that Bob is getting worse? With the reality that one day I may have to stay home to care for him? With the reality that right now, I have to be the one to work and support us? I donít know. I donít know the answers. All I know is that I want to be a mom. I want to be a stay at home mom and I LONG to have babies and children and a home filled with them.

What sucks the most about this MD is not so much what Itís been doing to us, but what it is taking from us. Our goals, our dreams, our desires. It really bites the big one.

It hurts so much when I hear stories of women murdering their own children. HELLO! There are people out there who would LOVE to care for a child like yours. What are you doing? In the past 2 months, 2 women have murdered their own children. One woman threw her twin boys off of a bridge in Minneapolis and then tossed herself off. She and one of her twins were saved, the other drowned.

Last week, a woman slit the throat of her baby girl. She said she did it becauase she had downs syndrome and wanted a better life for her. Whatever.

Anyway, we are struggling this weekend. One of our pastors came over and met with Bob and I. It was a nice visit. He didnít offer us pat answers and biblical passages as pat plattitudes. He just sat with us and listened and comforted. It was nice. I just cried.

I wrote to the South Dakota department of tourism for a brochure on their state. We are going to go ahead and plan a trip to the Badlands. We want to see Mt. Rushmore and maybe the corn palace too:-) It is time to do stuff now before we canít anymore.

There is a well known guy in the journaling community (Rob at who has been struggling with his own bad news. though we have completely different situations, I feel as though I can relate to what heís been writing and feeling. In one instance, you want answers for what is going on with your loved one. But sometimes we are not ready for those answers. Itís as if we want to choose what the problem is if that would make it easier. Yes, Itís good to have an answer. But then you have to struggle with what that answer brings. A new life...apart from the one you dreamed of before. A new normal. Whatever normal is. But Thatís what we both need to find. A new normal in life for us and our loved ones.

Bob says he would rather live to 45 and have a quality of life. I donít know that I agree. I am selfish. I think I would rather have him around until heís 60, even if it meant I had to attend to his daily care. We disagree on that. Afterall, Iím not the one with the MD and donít have to live with the pain and limitations. But still. Heís the man I love and I want him around for a good long time. Weíve only been married for a year and 11 months. Thatís just not enough for me.

Not sure how to end today's entry. Just wanted to share whatís on my heart today. Thanks for reading.

12:43 p.m. - Monday, Aug. 09, 2004


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