sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Good Hair Days Ahead

Hey all. I am home and still doing OK, though I get worn out pretty easily, so I haven't been doing much. Although, today I did get a haircut.

Kathy at KitchenLogic recommended a great guy and I really like my hair. He was chatty and friendly and not at all intimidating. He did a great job and was very complimentary of my hair.

One of the side effects of the bariatric surgery is hair loss. It's due to the change in diet, temporary loss of nutrients and protein, and shock to the body. It's temporary and will eventually stop and grow back. I have so much hair that I haven't noticed the loss except through my hairbrush and shower drain. Now that it's shorter, it shouldn't be as noticible on our bathroom floor. Almost everyone who has this surgery loses some hair, so it was not unexpected to me at all.

Some people have asked what a PICC line is. Here is a photo (Be sure to scroll past if you are typically squeemish on medical issues.)











It's an IV line that was threaded through a main artery in my arm and shoulder and around to near my heart. It is least until they take it out.

I have 2 valves. The shorter red one is for drawing blood only and the longer white one is where I hook up the IV fluids to at night.

I should mention it is a HUGE pain in the butt to have this running at night. I have to cart my IV pump, line and cart to the bathroom 4-7 times every stinking night. The pump stops around 7am, I unhook it and then I go back to bed for a another couple of hours unencumbered by the IV dealey. I can't wait until I am off this stuff.

So, I have this ugly thing sticking out of my arm all day every day, though I do have a nice cloth covering I use to hide the ugliness. BUT, for my other arm, I have a pretty, pretty bauble to detract from the ugliness that is my other arm.

It was made for me by the always kind and extremely generous Kathy. at Kitchen Logic. Thanks Kathy!

--------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: August 30, 2003: What was and What is

Itís 4:30 in the morning and I canít sleep, so I thought I'd sit down and write a little something.

Who knew during those 32 years of singleness, I'd be here? Not me. Donít get me wrong, I adore my husband and love him with all my heart. And even though I had put away the girlish fantasies and childish dreams of Prince Charming and his impressive steed, I still held on to some Happily Ever After.

What did I think marriage would be? Well, as an entity, it has been all good these 23 months. Sweet Baboo and I get along really well and we enjoy being married. We are a team and put forth an effort to work together and build each other up.

But the dream of marriage, I think, is what we lost. With SB's MD, we now have to put a lot of dreams on hold or behind us.

Before we got married, I dreamed of Sweet Baboo climbing the corporate ladder and becoming a district sales manager. His income allowing me to stay at home and have babies. I dreamed of owning a charming little 2 story cottage-type home with ivy and flower beds and a porch.

I dreamed of bicycles in the driveway and tire swings in the trees. Of dogs and boys and mud puddles. Of girls and dolls and pink rooms filled with ribbons and lace.

I dreamed of the "Our House" song coming to life...being lived by us. Newly married, following the American Dream.

I dreamed of vacations in the family van to such impressive locales as Reptile Gardens and Mt. Rushmore and the Grand Canyon. The van full of sippy cups and crayons and cries of, "are we there yet?"

I dreamed of a window seat with a cat curled in each corner and sun streaming through the window. Of the smell of a homecooked meal and a table set for 5.

I dreamed of writing and writing and more writing. Of interruptions to writing. Interruptions for important things like tying shoes and finding trucks and jumping in puddles after the rain.

I dreamed of dancing with my babies. Turning up the music and holding my baby in my arms and twirling to the tunes of my youth. Introducing my child to the songs that used to make me smile.

I dreamed of welcoming my husband home after a hard day at work. Of rubbing his shoulders and kissing his face. Of the smells of dinner cooking and kids running to hug their daddy.

I dreamed of visits to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Of making the drive to connect families and revel in the cantact of generations.

I know much of this sounds idealistic. Thatís some of what dreams are. One part idealism, one part planning, one part hope and the rest, up to chance. I also know much of this could still happen. We are just taking a different road to reach the destination of our dreams. I just need to learn to let go and not focus on the what as much as the how to get there.

I just wanted to sharing what I was thinking before marriage since I have shared so much of what our marriage is now. We are struggling to find a new normal. A new path to our dreams...and sometimes, even new dreams themselves.

Thanks for reading.

6:09 p.m. - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004


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