sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Flying Like the Wind

Last night I watched Dateline NBC's report of the hiker who had had to cut off his arm to save himself after being pinned by a boulder. I knew the story had to be amazing and the hiker had to be brave, strong, and smart beyond belief to save himself that way, but I had NO idea. I was glued to the TV for 2 hours as the hiker (I think his name is Aron) relayed the story. Tom Brokaw reported the story himself and he and Aron went back to the scene of the accident together. To watch Aron process this anew, only 6 months later, was touching and more than once I felt a large lump in my throat and tears fall. He spent 6 days alone in what amounted to a large hole in the ground. When they began to go over all the events that fell into place in order for him to get out alive, I have to say, it just proved to me again that there is a God and He was at work that day. It certainly was amazing. Aron wrote a book about the experience and I am going to look for it. I am sure it will be as captivating a read as the news story was to watch.

Today I cleaned our whole apartment, top to bottom. I just can't go back to work on Monday (even if it is part time to begin with) and leave a messy apartment. Our place looks amazing now...and smells like a carolina pine forest. Mmmmmmmm. While cleaning, I was listening to a worship CD I had been given about 6 years ago. It's by the Morning Star church worship team from Charlotte, NC. It's called Fly Me Like the Wind and on that particular song, I felt myself just feeling so light and free and at rest. I felt like, as the worship team was singing the words, God was telling me that these past 2 1/2 years we (Bob and I) had been buried and rooted in fear and worry...but that He was going to cut us apart from those roots and would teach us to soar. He said we had been holding our breath, turning blue waiting for the next bad thing to happen. But now we could let out that breath and breath again. I stopped mopping the floor and sat on the couch and cried. Not sad tears, but happy tears. Tears of the Spirit. Tears of relief. I can't tell you how much I want to be free to fly. Free to be at rest. Free to go about the work of God. I know it sounds weird. But I believe not just in God, but in a real, living, loving God. A God who cares about each one of us personally and who wants a real, loving, vital relationship with each one of us. And today, I believe He spoke to me personally and told me not to root myself in worry and fear anymore. He is going to fly me (and Bob) like the wind. We will have wings and rest at the same time.

All of this was so timely. I checked my pay stub today and because of being sick and out from work for almost a month, my pay had been cut by more than half. We knew it would be cut as short term disability only pays about 70 percent of my pay...but we didn't know what the figure would be. Also, because I had been out earlier in the year for the surgery itself, I had no more vacation days left and they won't pay the short term disability until you take 5 vacation days first. I think I had 2 vacation days left. So, I had to take 3 vacation days without pay as well. Anyway, all of this to say we kind of panicked when we saw the pay stub figure. Bob went for a wheelchair ride to process this information and cleaned like a maniac. When we came together, we both were fine. We were centered in Christ and aware that our hope is not built on my paycheck or our ability to pay our bills, but on God and what He provides us. We sat together and prayed and then felt like God was saying He was taking care of us and to continue NOT to worry. So we aren't and I am still listening to this CD. The worship is amazing. This worship team will start out singing a song and as they go, they will start to improvisationally a band. It is the most amazing thing I have ever heard and it's fun to boot.

I took photos of our apartment with the intention of uploading them, but for some reason, the uploading feature of Dland was super slow, so I will have to work on that another day.

Enjoy your weekend. --------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: September 10, 2003: A Day Before Patriot Day

Does anyone out there watch Cupid? I started watching and got sucked in. I thought it would be bigger than it ended up being. I just donít get it though. Lisa Shannon wants a husband. Sheís beautiful, successful, intelligent, and pleasant. Why does she need to audition husbands? Now that itís down to the wire, America gets to vote for who ďitĒ thinks should be her husband. She all but proposed to Hank last night and made HER choice clear Ė but itís not exactly up to her. Itís up to AMERICA to decide. Yet every week they keep that guy Robert around. He and Lisa have no chemistry, nothing in common and, in fact, she thought he was creepy and self absorbed for weeks and weeks. I donít know what the deal is with ďAmericaĒ, but itís supposed to be Lisaís love story, not Robertís. Anyway, I hope the vote for HankÖotherwise the whole thing is a bust.

Whatís up with that anyhow? She should just marry Hank whether or not America votes for him. Why leave your love life up to a bunch of strangers to decide? It wasnít as if family and friends did any better deciding on Married by America. That show as well as the marriage it tried to bring about was both a bust. Can you tell Iím a sucker for reality ďromance"? I am looking forward to The Bachelor with Bob! Yay Bob!

Sweet Baboo and I are going on a marriage retreat with our church at the end of the month. Itís the weekend of our second anniversary, so I think it will be interesting to see where we are based on what we learn that weekend. I am looking forward to it. Itís sponsored by our church and they are actually helping us pay for it as well. I hope to get to know other couples better and maybe that will help me to feel more at home there again. Since Iíve gotten married, I am not sure how I fit in there anymore. It will be interesting to see what happens. The weird thing about the retreat is that, when the pastor was telling me about it, he started to explain the accessibility of the camp where the retreat is held. It is weird because in my excitement to learn we were going on the retreat, I had forgotten about finding out if and how SB could get around at the retreat. That has to be one of my main concerns from now on. We canít go on vacation or travel anywhere now where there isnít wheelchair or scooter access. His restroom facilities must be accessible, as must his accommodations. This is new for both of us and something we canít forget to look into or our outings will be ruined. Glad someone was looking out for us this time.

Today is kind of hazy and grey. Itís kind of spooky being on the 13th floor, looking out over the skyscape and seeing gray haze. Then, add the planes circling in their take-off and landing patterns, it just gets eerie. Tomorrow is the Anniversary of Sept 11. Today just feels like haze.

Thanks for reading.

September 11, 2003:A rant and rememberance

Itís Patriot Day. Take a moment of silence to remember.

I was all set to write something completely different here today, but I talked to a friend of mine last night and I am so angry that I need to vent some of my frustration into my writing.

Back on my June 17th entry, I wrote about a friend of mine who married a man who turned out to be a completely different man than she thought. Well, Itís worse than we thought. At least since April, he has been cheating on her. They were married in June of 2002. Not even a year later, he was cheating on her! Apparently he has an 18 year old son from an old relationship. His son came to find him, met with him, and started a relationship with him sometime this spring. After the metting, this man went and looked up the mother of this kid and Thatís who he has hooked up with. She is also married. They are saying that this is God's will for their life. That this is the destiny God had in mind for them. Oh yeah, I am sure that God wants you both to leave the partners you vowed to stay with forever in order to be together. Yeah, that sounds like God.

My friend is completely devestated. She is finally out of their house and is in her own apartment, so she is at least in a place of safety. But this man has taken everything from her and has basically thrown it all away. He took her virginity. He took her love. He took her dreams and hopes and prayers and smashed them in his hands and tossed them all away like so much garbage.

My heart breaks for my friend. She said last night that her husband has taken so much from her, no man will ever notice her now. She told my husband she is too fat and ugly to ever find anyone to love again. Do you see what this man has done to her? She is not fat. She is not ugly. She is a beautiful precious amazing woman of God. She believes what heís been telling her. That sheís not worth loving. That sheís not worth his time or effort. No wonder he wouldnít work at the marriage. He already has the relationship he wants to work on. What a heel.

After Sweet baboo and I hung up, we just cried. This woman is our friend and we love her. The brokeness in her voice and manner was too much. Poor thing. She believed in love. She believed this man when he said he loved her and wanted to marry her. She believed this was the man she would spend the rest of her life with. And she is beyond broken hearted.

SB and I would like to take this man, her husband, and beat him to a bloody pulp. Not that that would do any good, but Itís what we feel like doing.

He took a great and beautiful gift of the love of a good and godly woman and threw it away for nothing. I will never understand this as long as I live. I hope when the divorce is final that my friend meets an amazing, wonderful, godly man who will love and cherish her the way she deserves to be loved and cherished.

In other news...we have a new baby! Yes, once again, we have been blessed with a baby squirrel on our doorstep. The kids in our apartment building cannot leave nature alone! They found a baby squirrel out and alone and immediately took it in. We are taking care of it until Saturday and then we are taking it in to the wildlife rehabilitation center. Enjoy your day and live your life as a life of influence for the greater good

5:06 p.m. - Saturday, Sept. 11, 2004


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