sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Talking About the Surgery

Happy Four Month Anniversary to Me!

Weight: 270lbs
BMI: 42.3, Still Extremely Obese (but getting closer to just "obese".

Front Close photo...check the hair. I'm Debra Rupp from That 70's Show! Side View...attractive, no? No! CLOSE UP! Me and Bob at my Mom and Dad's on Sunday (9-19-04). So there ya documentation of my weight loss 4 months after the surgery.

It's been 4 months since I had the gastric bypass surgery. And just 1 month since my hospitalization.

If I had it to do over, knowing then what I know now, would I still do it?

This past month has been sooooo good that it almost wipes out the previous hideous first 3 months. I feel so good, can eat almost anything and keep it down, and my gurgly tummy isn't so gurgly anymore. If I knew there would be a month where I felt this good, yes, I would still do it.

Would you recommend this surgery to anyone else?

I would NOT tell anyone to have this surgery. What I would tell someone considering it, is this: Do your research. Talk to people who have had the surgery. Talk to surgeons about it. Talk to your medical professionals about the risks and the benefits. Have your general health assessed. Read books and wedsites. Imagine life limited in what and how much you can eat. And then do everything you can possibly do to lose weight before even considering the surgery. Make surgery your last resort and then, go in with eyes wide open. My experience with this surgery is that everyone's experience is different and no one's one experience can speak for anyone else's. So do as much reseach and preparing as you can.

That being said, this past month has been magic. I feel so good. I am at a weight I haven't been in more than 8 years. I weigh what it says I weigh on my driver's license. Also, I can eat more than 2-4 bites of food without feeling bloated and full and fearing the food will come back up on me. I feel "normal" for once.

The first 3 months after surgery were so miserable that I wondered every day what I had done to my body. In fact, while I was so sick last month, I lay in bed crying in my husband's arms that I had broken myself and wasn't ever going to feel normal again. Well, that's no longer true. But I felt so horrible for so long and got so sick last month that I deeply regretted ever even having the surgery. In fact, I even looked into having it reversed, but found out quickly enough that there are only about 3 surgeons in the US who perform that surgery. It's even riskier than the first surgery and is not guaranteed to work. I felt like I had done the absolute worst thing I could have ever done to my body and was doomed to live life on a PICC line.

Thankfully, the wisdom of my surgeon prevailed and now that the PICC line is out and my kidneys are back on track, I am doing really well. I think the endoscopy, as horrible as it was, was really what has helped me turn this corner. Stretching out the stoma and the opening really, really made a difference.

I no longer feel "broken" or deprived. The weight isn't coming off as fast as it had been, which is good because that is part of what led to my severe ill health. It's coming off a little slower, but still steadily and I just feel so good.

When we saw my parents last weekend, they both said they couldn't get over how good I looked. I said that I feel more "me" than I have in years. And I do. I feel like me. I don't know how that will feel as I continue to lose the weight because I have never been a skinny gal. I will probably have to learn how to be me as a skinny person.

I now fit into a restaurant booth, with room to spare! Seatbelts fit around me. I can ride a bike. I can go grocery shopping without stopping halfway through due to a severe backache. I can stand in church for the entire worship part without sitting down due to an achey back. I can walk for more than a block without getting tired or sore. I can feel the bones in my own body. I can wear a size I haven't worn since college. I don't worry about what people are thinking when I come into work carrying a bag from a fast food restaurant. I also don't worry about crashing the elevator with my girth or thinking that others are worrying about the same thing. I don't project my hatred of myself on strangers, thinking they are disgusted by my hugeness. I feel good about myself and how I look, even though I still have a ways to go.

This past month has done a lot to cancel out the fear, worry and negative feelings the previous 3 months had built up. I am so thankful for this past month. Knowing then, what I know now...I would still have the surgery. Had you asked me this 1 month ago, my answer would have been totally different. --------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: September 25, 2003: Short and Sweet

The Red Badge of Courage has been appliquťd for the week. If you donít know what that means, donít ask. But I do have to say, it had not arrived at 10am, but by 1pm, there was a lovely showing. I wish there was a warning bell or some kind of internal alarm. It would save on laundering and on lacy under things.

Well, I just found out that my supposedly better insurance coverage/benefits do not cover power wheelchairs. Great! So when they come to assess Sweet Baboo in October, we wonít have to look at prices because we will know we cannot afford anything! A good power wheelchair costs around $30,000.00! Our cars donít even cost that much. This is not good news. MDA will cover $5,000.00, which is helpful, but then we are still stuck trying to pay off $25,000. Oh man. My husbandís health and mobility is worth anything I could pay. I just didnít think Iíd have to go into such a black hole of debt so soon. Once we get the chair, we need a way to get it around and vans cost between $15,000 for used and $30,000 or more for new. Oh to be rich and not have to worry about such mundane things as walking and being free to leave your own home of your own free will.

Tonight is the recognition night for our department. I want to win something! Iím not that great at gambling, but all I need is 1 ticket to win a prize. I need to go home on my way there and pick up my camera as I forgot it this morning.

Short entry today, I know, but there is not much going on right now.

Here is a cute work story to leave you with. My job is to support bankers. I work in a call center/help desk area. Today I got a call from a bank customer who was angry because, while he received his check from the insurance company, the bank would not cash it for him. When I pressed him further, it seems that he racked up quite a bit in insufficient funds charges and the bank was holding his check until he paid those. He wanted me to call the bank and tell them to release the funds. Yeeaaahhhh. Not gonna happen buddy. I told him this was a bank matter and he would have to call the bank and have them take care of it. When I asked how he had gotten my number, he said someone gave it to him a long time ago and he thought he would call to see if I could help. He was still angry when he hung up.

Thanks for reading.

6:34 a.m. - Friday, Sept. 24, 2004


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