sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Only 3 More Months Until My First Day of School

Today when I left work, it was 40 degrees! When I got home, it was still light out! Spring can't come fast enough for me.

The gal from my office who had a baby in December was back today from her leave. She was hurting, so I gave her a card. She said she didn't know it would be so hard to leave her baby and she couldn't wait to get home. Poor thing. Her baby is 6 weeks old today and still so tiny. Though from the photos Shelly brought, she is MUCH bigger than when I saw her 6 weeks ago. She is beginning to smile and coo now too and I bet that is so cute.

I found out that the station I liked so much in Florida can be heard through streaming audio on my computer! Yay! So I am listening to Z88.3 right now. Feels like "home".

I got the specs for the laptop computer I need to have in hand for school by April 20th. For those of you in the know, this is what I need to have (Minimum): 1.2 GB Intel Centrino Mobile Technology or Pentium 4 Processor, 256 MB Memory, 10/100 Network Connection Adapter, 802.11G integrated wireless networking adapter (PCMCIA card is acceptable as is b&G combination, but my school uses a g standard), A CD-RW, A DSB Flash Drive, Windows XP SP2 Pro with latest windows updates, and Microsoft Office 2003 Pro. Anyone know where I can get such an animal for around $1500? If not, anyone know where I can find the best price? Any words of wisdom or advice would be appreciated. I won't be able to buy anything until we get our tax return (Oh please God, let us get a tax return this year), but I need to have it in hand by April 20th.

Bob's brother in law had back surgery today. They are replacing a disk and a vertibrae. They are replacing everything with a cadaver replacement. Sounds gross, but we hope BIL will be pain free after he recoups. Bob still isn't home from the hospital yet, so I hope everything is OK.

I was thinking, the other day, about the time I was asked to be a photographer for a national conference. I was thrilled and so honored to be a part of it all...doing something I loved and something I thought I was pretty good at. That week turned out to be the week from hell. You would have thought I had never held a camera in my hands before by the work I produced that week. My meter went buggy and everything came out too dark. At least 3 rolls of film I had turned in were lost. I don't think they used more than 2 of my pictures that week. I felt like a collisal failure and imposter. As though I was posing as a photographer. That was the hardest week I had ever experienced in my life. I think it turned me from ever really pursuing photography as more than a hobby. If I just take pictures to take pictures and they don't turn out, only I end up disappointed. But if someone hires me to take pictures and they don't turn out, well, that's bad for business. Anyway, I've been feeling that same exact feeling at work since coming back from vacation. Like I don't belong if I pulled one over on my boss and found I know NOTHING about something I thought I had a good handle on. It's been hell. I hope this phase passes soon because I can't continue to feel this way for much longer. It's hurting me in other areas too. I am eating too much again and too much of the "bad" stuff. I am not exercising and am sleeping longer than I should. I still get my water in every day, but I am way too excited about food. Today I argued with myself that 10:30 was too far from lunch and I needed something in my stomach. I didn't, but I ended up eating way too many bagel chips. Not a horrible snack...but I really shouldn't be snacking. I just feel bad about myself and it affects EVERYTHING! I need to shake this off before school starts because I am NOT going to give up on that one more time.

Anyway, thanks for letting bounce this stuff off of you. I know others out there have felt this way and it helps...a little.

6:00 p.m. - Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2005


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: