sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Eye On the Prize

I won! I won! I won! I finally got in touch with the promotions director and I should see the prize by Friday. It's the Target gift card, some Z1plock products, and some votive candles. Fun!
Yesterday I was in Car1bou and the girl ahead of me ordered her coffee and then burst out with, "it's my birthday!" So she got her coffee for free and then the cashier asked her how old she turned. She gushed that she is now 24 and WOW is she old now. I snorted behind her. The cashier welcomed the young girl to her mid-20s and I felt officially old and geezerish. In my mind I am perpeptually 24-31 and when something comes along and bursts that thought bubble...I suddenly feel ready for the nursing home. Sheesh! But doesn't 24 sound so young? Oh to be 24 again...but only if I could know then what I know now.
Well, I marked it and it's almost exactally 2 miles from my apartment to work. I was going to walk to work today but it snowed overnight and I have to stop at the bank before work. Maybe I will leave my car at work and walk home tonight so I HAVE to walk to work tomorrow. I guess it depends on what the weather is like tonight.
I actually liked American Idol last night. When did they start using a piano and back-up singers at this stage in the auditions? I think it really added to the whole experience. It made a difference in knowing who is really very good and who is not. And I liked that they took the kids who weren't auditioning on a tour of Hollywood and the beach. That was awesome. Season 4 promises to have a whole batch of talent and it looks good.

I taped The Amazing race so I don't know who won, but I hope it was Kris and Jon. A new one starts in 3 weeks with that couple from Survivor as one of the teams...Amber and someone? I don't know. I never watch Survivor. I've never seen a one. But this should be interesting.

Did you see Super Nanny on Monday night? There were 4 year old twin girls that were SO sassy and naughty. They basically ran the household. And when the nanny sat down with the family and began to tell them how things would work and what would be accepted and what wouldn't, the twins stuck their fingers in their ears and said, "We can't hear you." Yeah, fun! But I have to give that mom credit. It would be so easy to have given in to anger/rage and just slap those girls silly. That would be my first instinct. But she didn't and the nanny had some good suggestions and seemed to help this family in a major way. Go Super Nanny!
So, if talk of money bores you and rants of never having enough makes you want to poke your eyes out of your own head, then move along.

We had another checkbook error that sent us into a minor panic last night. Man, I hate this. I hate living so tightly budgeted. We cannot afford the slightest error. I broke down last night and just felt sorry for us. Yes, we have much. We have warm housing, 2 cats, food enough, 2 cars, a TV, computer, internet, basic cable, etc. We are rich. I know. But just once in my life I would like to get to a place financially where, when I need tires for my car, I can buy tires for my car. When I need glasses, I can buy glasses. When I need lightbulbs, for heaven's sake, I can buy lightbulbs. And when we find a handicapped accessible van for $6000! we can buy a van for $6000! Sheesh. There is a dent in the back of my car that has been there for 4 years because I haven't been able to afford the deductable to get it fixed. I know I've said this before, but when I was a nanny in New Jersey, I knew I was working for a wealthy family, not because of their house, pool, cars, etc. But because when they got a tiny little dent in their Jeep at the grocery store, they made an appointment right away and had me take it in to get it fixed. Who does that? I was 22 and had never known anyone who did that. Everyone I knew waited until they had enough money saved or they got their tax return. Anyway, it's hard to look ahead and see that things will ever be different. I hope they will be, but it's not looking good right now.

I will do our taxes this weekend and hope that our tax return will be enough to pay for the computer I need for school, the tires I need for my car, and maybe have a little left over to get the new glasses I need. If we don't have enough for all or any of this, we will figure it out then, but in the meantime, I'll just keep plugging along and doing what I need to do to keep us afloat.

We've already given up a lot of the extras we used to have...Netflix, expanded cable TV, book clubs, eating out, etc. We do manage to go out on a date about once a month, but even then, we have to do without something else in order to do that.

And again, in the end, I know we have alot and are doing well compared to the rest of the world. And yes, we still have our homes, our memories, our stuff and each other, so it can't be all bad. But I just got caught up in what we don't have and why we are always struggling. I would rather have Bob home, on SSI, than working some job where his health is in jeopardy. I would rather struggle and have him around, than be well off financially without him. I just wish I could have both.

At least with that Target gift card we can get the lightbulbs!

Rant over.

6:30 a.m. - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005


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