sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


The Quest for the Dress

Yesterday I woke up at 4:00am. Wide awake. 4am. I tossed and turned for 45 minutes before I finaly gave in and got up. I made it in to work by 6:30. But I didn't stay late yesterday. Oh no. In fact, I was out of there by 5:15. I had a mission. I had to find a dress for Easter/Spring/Upcoming weddings.

I stopped first at Kohls. That was fruitless. The only spring dresses they had were in Misses and the largest size was an 18. It didn't fit. Next was Dress Barn. They had several dresses I fell in love with but the lowest price on them was $49.99. They had a beautiful yellow linen sundress with a light jacket. It had beading and I fell in love with it. But it was $79.99 and I won't pay that even if I have the money.

Next stop, The Avenue. It was The Waste of Time. After that, TJ Max. I tried on a couple of things but didn't really like anything except for the one thing that didn't fit. Same story with Old Navy.

I left that mall and drove to the nearby Targhetto. They had cute spring dresses alright, but only in maternity and Juniors. Argh! By this time, I was tired and hungry and just stopped by Papa Murphy's to get dinner and drove home empty-handed.

I got up good and early to begin my quest for the dress this morning. The good news is Bob said I could spend a little more since he got his SS check and no longer has taxes taken out, so we have a little more. That means, I can get a good price on a dress and maybe find some shoes to go with it!

First stop, Sears. I found the dresses, but they only had cute styles in the misses sizes. Why do they think larger sized women all want to dress like your mother or your grandma?

Next stop, Lane Bryant. Nothing. Why do THEY think all large sized women want to dress like a Hootchie Mama?

After that, Kohls (again...but different store) and again I came up empty handed.

Next up was Von Mahr (I think that's how it's spelled.) I don't know much about it, except that it's super fancy and pricey. They had a few dresses in misses sizes but they started at $90! I did find a cute green dress on the clearance rack but I wasn't in love with it. And even on sale it was still $55. The green dress was a size 22 and it fit perfectly. But I tried on another dress that was a size 20 and I was swimming in it. It was huge. I decided if I didn't find anything else, I would come back and get the green dress I wasn't in love with.

I thought I might drive out to Catherine's because I had had some luck there before when I was at my heaviest and thought they might have something to fit me this time too. On my way out, I passed a CJ Banks. I'd never been in one before, so I thought I would just pop in. This is where I found my dress...and my clothing haven. I LOVE their clothes. Well, most of them. Some of them still look like you are dressing like your mother or grandmother, but most of them are more my style. Cute, preppy, tailored, classic.

I tried on several outfits before I settled on a yellow skirt and top. The skirt has pink flowers on it and is just cute.

While I was trying it on, there were 3 very funny women also trying on clothes. They were bold and baudy and so giggly. Turns out they are best friends and were there buying clothes for a cruise they are going on in June. They travel with their whole families every year. Last year was Hawaii. They each ended up buying about $200 worth of clothes. I found myself envying them. Not just because of the travel and the money to buy the clothes they wanted, but because they seemed so close. They had private jokes and obvious affinity for one another. I miss having friendships like that. I miss having girlfriends to giggle with and shop with. As they left, I wished them Happy Easter and a good trip and they returned my greeting and said they were glad I was going with the yellow as it really flattered me.

After that, I stopped by Kohl's again to look for some shoes, but the one pair that would have gone with my outfit was nowhere to be found. It wasn't that they didn't have my size, they didn't have ANY.

So, it was off to Payless. They were having a Spring sale. I found some adorable pink sandles with a small heal. So cute! Only $9!

Trying on all these dresses and trying to find something to fit this new body of mine was a lesson in patience and frustration. I have learned that I am not comparing my body to what it was before, but to the women around me. And I come up short every time. But if I just learn to compare me now to me before, I can be proud of what I've accomplished. I used to be a size 32 and today I bought a size 18 skirt and a 1X shirt. I used to wear a size 10 shoe and now can wear a 9 1/2 or a 9 wide. I used to wear a size 48DD bra and today I tried on and bought a 46D. I used to wear a size 14 underwear and today I tried on and bought a size 10. I have more energy than I've had for a long time. I can walk to work and home and still have the energy to come home and make dinner and clean the house or do some laundry. I can fit into theater and airplane seats. I can stand for long periods of time. I should be happy. But lately, all I can think about is how my BMI is still considered obese and I am still considered fat. I'm almost there and it's not good enough.

Enough of that. I finally found an Easter/Spring outfit and some shoes and it's a smaller size than I've worn since I was a freshman in college. That IS good enough.

6:20 p.m. - Saturday, Mar. 26, 2005


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