sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Anxiety Dreams Come True

Have you ever had the anxiety dream in all its variations where you know it is the last day of finals and you show up to school to take your final, only to discover it had been the day before? Or you are walking down the hall and someone asks you why you werenít in the calculus final and you say that you didnít take calc this semester and they ask you why, then, did the professor keep calling your name during roll call all semester. Ever have those dreams? Well, I am living that dream right now. Last night I lived that nightmare. I was surfing the web and decided to look at my school email. I rarely get emails to that address and am supposed to check it at least once per week but I am lucky if I check it once every other week. While I was in the school email site, I decided to also look at my cohortís message board. While I was reading, it became clear that I had missed an assignment deadline. A rough draft of an article was due by 5pm Monday the 5th. I thought it was due by class time Monday the 12th. So in a panic, I check my email and see a message from my professor wondering where my assignment is! I quickly emailed back and said I would have it in by 5pm Friday. It was almost 10pm last night when I got the message and Iíd had a full glass of wine in preparation for bed. I was in no shape to quickly type out something right there and then. When I got to work this morning, I quickly checked my school email again and was relieved to find another message from my professor saying he was behind in looking the rough drafts over and not to worry about getting it in late. Whew! Nevertheless, I HATE this. I do not want to be THAT student. I hate missing deadlines. I hate not meeting goals. I do not want to give this professor the idea that I am a bubbleheaded spaz who does this regularly. As I was relating all of this to a co-worker, she did say that I have a lot on my plate right now and itís not like Iím just slacking off at home on purpose. That is true, but it is no excuse. I have been managing to get all my reading in, packing a box or two each night, still cooking dinner, and still getting the laundry folded or doing other chores as they pop up. It is a lot right now, but it is not forever and I thought I was managing just fine. Apparently not. I need to be more diligent to write all this stuff down in my daily planner so I see it and can make a schedule I can keep.

We had an apartment inspection yesterday. The apartment manager and two maintenance workers came in to see how our apartment has faired these past 3 years. I guess they were impressed, even with the plaster missing on several corners of our walls and all the holes in the walls from our wall hangings. They said we did NOT have to patch the wall, as that was what they hired the painters to do. Sweet! I was worried about getting that done and how it would look. They said we would still get our deposit back as it can be considered normal wear and tear when one is learning to drive a wheelchair. That is good news because when we moved in, our deposit was equal to a month and a half of rent at that time. This time, it is equivalent to about a fifth of one monthís rent. The only thing I am not thrilled about is on our cleaning list, it says we have to pull out the stove AND refrigerator and clean behind and under there. Ummmm, do they know how heavy those appliances are? And our stove is on a pedestal for accessibility, so I donít think I can pull it out to clean behind. I do need to get some new stovetop drip pans and some oven cleaner because the condition of the inside of our oven is NASTY!

Our four-year anniversary is in three weeks! (Well, 2weeks and 6 days.) I do not know what we are going to do for it as we are broke right now, but maybe I can whip up a culinary masterpiece in our new kitchen a couple of days later. You know, we changed our lease to a 6 month and then to a year so we did not end up moving the weekend of our anniversary, every timeÖand we are still moving the weekend of our anniversary. Oh well. I do know that one of the things I will do to celebrate our anniversary is to drive to the bakery that did our wedding cake and get a half dozen cupcakes. They are yummy and a fun reminder of our awesome wedding cake.

Tomorrow is going to be a day of packing and homework while Bob and his friend are off at the menís conference in St. Paul. I hope they have fun and that I use this time to my advantage and maybe get a jump on some upcoming assignments so I donít get caught bass ackwards like I did this week. Sheesh.

9:42 a.m. - Friday, Sept. 09, 2005


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