sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


The Food Pantry Has Come and the Food Pantry Is Us

I am a big fat baby. Yesterday's whiney rant was just that. Why can't other people have a good time and it not be about me? Well, they can. As I said, I'm just a whiney baby.

Well, the food pantry people came by and I wonder if there is any food left in their pantry because it seems like it was all left in ours. They brought us so much food, our freezer and cupboards are full to the gills. I had to pack some of it in boxes to be moved because we could not fit more in the cabinets. What a nice problem to have. I do wonder why every food shelf has a proliferation of canned tuna, salmon, and rice a roni though. Oh, and hamburger helper. Good stuff, but we have cans and cans and cand and boxes and boxes and boxes of each now. In fact, we now have so much food, we have set aside much of it to share with others. It is just the two of us, it's not like we're a family of four and can eat through all of this food in a week or so. Not only did they bring us canned and boxed food, they brought us some yummy home grown goodies! We got carrots, zucchini, squash, cucumbers and onions from someone's amazing garden. Mmmmmm. I can't wait to make something with them. (Except the carrots, I only eat those raw.) I have to say we feel well taken care of. Bob said the people that brought the food were friendly, kind, helpful and made him feel good. He was worried that they would be rude and intimidating and that he would feel skunky about needing their help.

Can I tell you how much I love my husband? He is a special and amazing man. A little over two weeks ago, my final paper was due in my Group Dynamics class. Around that time I was struggling with the effects of the tornado in my home town, Bob's health and needs, our upcoming move, and then the hurrican down south. Not to mention work and school and everything else. Something had to give and at that time, it fell to my final project to be neglected. I emailed my professor and asked for an extention. He graciously gave it to me, but didn't finalize a deadline. I struggled for two weeks to get this thing done. Every time I sat down to do this paper, I drew a blank. I tried everything to get it done and it just didn't get done. About a week and half into my neglect of this paper, I thought about just not doing it at all and living with the consequences. But then I remembered that I needed at least a C in order to apply for tuition reimbursement. The tuition for this class alone was over a grand. We could use it. The weight on me regarding this project was immense. I didn't tell Bob about it because he too had enough on his shoulders and I didn't want him to worry about if and when I would get this done. Plus, I was ashamed of myself. I'd never missed a deadline like this. I was afraid if Bob knew, he would harass me until I completed it. I FINALLY finished it on Monday. I'm not happy with how it turned out. It was slapped together and definitely half-assed. But it felt so good to finally have it off my chest. I was still worried about the grade I would receive though. It was over two weeks late and not my best work. The grade came yesterday. I opened the envelope with much worry and trepidation, hestitating at accepting the consequences of my behavior. What did I get? A "B". A solid B. I cannot believe it. I don't feel I deserve it, but I am grateful for it. I am so happy. When Bob came home, I finally told him what had happened and as I told him the whole story, I began to cry. I sobbed and sobbed and finally let out all the emotion I'd been holding in for over three weeks. Here's where he gets great. He held me. He rocked me. He sushed me as though I were a little baby. Then he cried with me and told me he loved me and empathized with how hard it must have been to carry that load all by myself. He said he wished he had known so he could have helped me carry that load somehow. He said he suspected this is why I hadn't been sleeping well and why I've been so short and impatient. He continued to hold and rock me until I stopped crying. Then he said, "There is nothing you can ever do or not do to make me stop loving you. Remember that." Which made me cry all over again. Isn't he the greatest? I wish I could love myself the way he loves me.

OK, editd to add, I JUST saw the title to my post and I had originally typed food panty. That is NOT who came to deliver food to us. Just making sure it's clear we were visited by the food pantRy.

There is a sign in our breakroom advertising 2 tickets to see Paul McCartney in October. The tickets cost $275. Each. If I'm buying tickets that cost $275 each, they better include an in-flight movie, a bag of peanuts and an overhead view of water, mountains, or prairie. Sheesh!

12:56 p.m. - Friday, Sept. 16, 2005


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