sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Me? Fussy and Easily Annoyed?

I think I have some extra sensory sensitivity thing going on with me since stupid stuff that has never bugged me before is freaking me the freak out. Here is a list of all of the things that are driving me crazy right now:
1.) Co-worker “Asthma Girl’s” 100-decibel hacking cough that seems to be more of a coping mechanism than a health issue.
2.) Co-worker “Young Guy’s” 100-decibel phone voice. It does not help that he sits right next to me and is a loud talker anyway.
3.) Co-worker “Loud Girl’s” 2000-decibel…take your pick. She is just loud. And it frustrates me that she seems to get to say anything and do anything and gets away with it. Yesterday, my boss was having trouble balancing our accounts and it turned out to be because of $.40 error I made. Loud Girl turns to me and says, “Way to go. Way to f--- it up again.” So yeah, that felt good.
4.) The girl I met on my way to lunch that was walking so that her boobs bounced all around. She was wearing a bra but the boobs, they were bouncing. If I did that I would get whiplash.
5.) The white noise pumped into our office is too distracting today. I usually do not notice it but today, for some reason, it is too noisy and there fore distracting.
6.) It is cold outside. Sunny but cold. I am not ready for the cold. I had to scrape my windows this morning and I am not ready to scrape.
7.) It is too hot in my office. I wore a shirt and sweater to work today because I am usually freezing because the building maintenance team has yet to turn to the heat on. I think they found the controls today because I am sweating. I had to take my sweater off and roll up my shirtsleeves and I am still roasting.
8.) Lime Coke does not taste good to me anymore. Did they change to formula? What happened to my Limey Lime Coke?
9.) My hair. It is not curly curly and it is not straight and it does not and will not look good anymore no matter how I style it.
10.) My head. It is very itchy and dry and I have little zitty sore spots on it. So attractive and appealing. Thank goodness I have 8,000 gobs of hair.

On second thought, maybe it is not an extra sensory thing. Maybe I am just being fussy and am easily annoyed…ya think?

On to better things. Tomorrow is our work potluck party and I am excited about bringing pumpkin stew and a pumpkin cake. I hope they go over well and taste yummy. After work, I am babysitting my boss’s baby girl while she and her husband see Paul McCartney. Their baby girl is 10 months old and is crawling, almost walking and just started talking. She is the cutest thing and I love getting to watch her.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering what has happened to my life. It is good and I love my husband, job, cats, and apartment. However, sometimes I wonder if this is all there is. It was not supposed to happen like this. I waited 32 years to get married. I was supposed to get married, have a baby, buy a house, have another baby, stay home and care for the family. I was not supposed to be the one who HAD to work. We were not supposed to be still renting 4 years into our marriage. My husband was not supposed to have a disability and go on SSI. My husband was supposed to take care of the family and me. We were supposed to be able to make ends meet. We were not supposed to need things we cannot afford like a van and a handicapped accessible home. We were not supposed to have difficulty conceiving and having children. It just was not supposed to work that way. But then who thinks their life should work that way? Isn’t that why there are those all seeing words we recited in our vows? Isn’t that why we say for poorer and for worse and in sickness? Because don’t we all think in our heads that we will actually be living for better and for richer and in health? How easy is that? It is a lot harder to make life work when there is sickness and you are poorer and worse off than before. Thankfully, things do not stay that way. I know there are ebbs and flows and ups and downs in life and in marriage. I am just in the midst of my pre-winter blahs I think. The leaves are falling off the trees, it is getting a lot darker, and I am feeling low. Good thing I have a doctor’s appointment tonight to up my dosage of Celexa.

2:34 p.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005


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