sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


A Letter To My Friend Mary

Dear Mary,

I agree wholeheartedly that this sucks. I am sorry about the death of your husband, Paul. He was far too young to die and you are far too young to be a widow. I cannot imagine going through this right now. I wish I were living there so I could be there for you. I will be coming this weekend and will stop by on Saturday. It just doesnít seem like enough. Our offer for you to come stay with us is still open any time you need a break or a get away.

You are still one of the strongest people I have ever known. You always have been. I always admired that about you. You take things head on, at face value and you work them through until the outcome pleases you. You are a survivor and an over comer. You have never let anything stand in your way when it comes to what you want and what is good for you. This is something you are passing along to your kids. Your ability to stand strong in the face of adversity is amazing. But I am worried about you. I know now there is a flurry of activity and people around to support you. I know you said you had to be strong for the kids. I hope that there will be some time at some point where you can be alone and allow yourself to do whatever it takes to get through this. Be it screaming, crying, or sitting by yourself praying. Or all the above. I do not know what it will take, but I hope you can do that for yourself.

Iím sorry I have been so remiss in keeping in touch. Even though it was under circumstances I would never have ordered, I did have a good time talking with you last night. Why donít we do that more often? It is comforting to be able to pick up where we left off, isnít it? I also felt badly when you asked about Bob. I know he was in a lot of pain and had been in bed all day trying to deal with pain. But he was alive and warm and with me. What could I say? Thank you for asking though.

I know these past 20 years have not been easy. However, I admire you for your strength and for your determination to see your commitment through and making it work the best way you knew how. You were a great wife and you are a fabulous mom. Your kids are amazing and you should be proud.

You were the first person who really reached out to me after we moved to town. You were my first friend and have been my longest friend. Yours was the first wedding I had ever been in and Jordan was the first baby born to a friend of mine. Paul was a crush of mine for a little while. You knew that, right? Did I ever tell you about the time we went to Chicago with a group from Campus Life to see the haunted house? On the way back, I was sitting next to Paul, I fell asleep against him, and he fell asleep against me. Someone took a picture of us; I think it was Leigh HammondÖI wonder where that picture is now? I remember football games, going to the movie theater when Paul worked there, walking around downtown, and so much more. So much of what our hometown means to me is wrapped up in you, Paul, and my memories of those times. It is just not going to be the same with Paul gone.

I wish I could write down what is in my heart. I wish I could comfort you and offer you hope. I wish I could make sense of all of this. I wish it had not happened at all. I will see you tomorrow.



3:11 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 11, 2005


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