sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


The Turkey is not the only thing that's Lurkey

Poor Supe isn't feeling well...still. So we stayed home from church again. It think it's like the 3rd week in a row. But we can't go and get everyone else sick. Plus, he hasn't been sleeping well and he really needs his rest.

Right now there is a 12 pound turkey in our oven cooking all kinds of turkey goodness. It smells deliscious. We don't know why we were the ones our doctor's clinic chose to bestow wuch a great gift upon, but we're sure glad. The turkey is stuffed with stuffing and a little later, I will whip up some masked potatoes and gravy. Mmmm. Holiday dinner with no holiday. Good stuff. Actually, I never had to make a holiday dinner this year, so it's nice to be able to do itnow that the busy holiday season has wound down. If you're in the area around 12:30, 1:00...stop by...we have plenty.

I got quite a fright this morning when I logged in to check my stats. I noticed that my mother in law's IP address was logged. Which means she found my diary. I thought I did a good job hiding it so SUpe's family couldn't find it. It's not like I am hiding it to be mean. After what happened with his sister, I just wanted a place I could go to write without fear of familial repurcussions. I write what I am feeling...what I want to write. Sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes I am angry and sometimes I am sad. Other times I am happy and just fine. But all of that is me. Just me, plain and simple. I don't want to hurt anyone and I certainly don't want to start something between me and Supe's family. He is building bridges with his family and loves them so much. I am still getting to know them and don't want anything to mess this up. But, I also don't want anyone to tell me what I can and can't write and how I can or can't feel.

So now what do I do? I alread changed diaries. I don't want to password protect this space...but I just might have to. I need a space to vent and process. Especially with the surgery issues...I will need to document what I learn and how I'm feeling as I go through the hoop jumping process. I guess what I will do is just keep it open for now and see how it goes. After all, no one is forcing anyone to open this diary and read it. You can easily not read it as read it.

Some might wonder...why leave it open at all? Why not password protect it and spare everyone? I will tell you why. First of all, I feel like I have a voice here. Even if in every other area of my life I feel like no one understands, I can come here and know there are people who do understand. Not only that, I have met many of you (not in person) and have developed pen-pal type relationships with you and you have encouraged me as much as I hope to have encouraged you. I have received HTML help, support re: Supe and what we are going through living with his disability, education on so many topics ranging from recipes, Independent Living, and the bariatric surgery. I have also received support re: my own decision to pursue the bariatric surgery.

I know there are some people who have received hateful and negative responses in their notes and guestbooks. Thankfully I have not had that problem yet. It is ever comes down to that, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I have found the Diaryland community to be supportive, learned, and full of very special, kind and intellegent people. That's why I write here. That's why I don't password protect my writings. But I may have to reconsider. I just don't know yet. I don't think family strife is worth having my own way in this situation. But I also balk at having people tell me what to do, especially when it involves something as precious to me as my writing.

So, that's my point to ponder for the day. If you have any positive advice, please lay it on me.

11:33 a.m. - Sunday, Jan. 11, 2004


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