sunflowery's Diaryland Diary


Weekend Recap

We had a good weekend, though it started off kind of shaky.

On Friday night Supe and I got into a stupid fight that escalated in him leaving and me beating myself up. We worked it out, but MAN I am one moody girl. I am thankful, though, that my husband loves me so much. He has that unconditional love thing down pat.

Saturday was spent sleeping in. Oh, so glorious! We both woke up super late and it felt great! Then we got ready and went to the mall to go see The Passion of the Christ.

Since we don't have the van yet, I load up Supe's manual wheelchair in the back of his pickup truck and once we get to where we are going, I push him around. It makes things a lot easier on him if he doesn't have to walk.

We got to the mall, got our movie tickets and had enough time to grab lunch. The EP mall has an amazing food court area with a large fireplace. Everything is done in the Arts and Crafts period of craftsmanship, and it's just beautiful.

We finished lunch and went to see the movie. Now, can I just say...if you are NOT handicapped and don't need a wheelchair and you want to see a movie in one of those new stadium seating theaters? Can you please not sit in the ONE ROW they designate for wheelchair users and their companions? We got into the theater and there were spaces for me to put Supe, but all the seats around those spaces were full. We finally asked someone to move over one space so I could sit with Supe, otherwise we would have had to sit separate. Sheesh!

Anyway, the movie. It was all the things people have said it was...powerful, bloody, amazing, moving, violent. There were several places where I actually cried out, as well as cried. The spiritual warfare part was unexpected but done very well, I thought. I also liked the flashbacks that were done throughout the film, to give you a glimpse of who this man was.

I cried very hard at the portion of the film where Mary Magdalin was set free from her captors and judges. Here is a woman who knows what she's done and awaits her fate and judgement and yet, miraculously, she is set free. Oh, sweet freedom! And to look into her deliverer's eyes and not see condemnation but instead see compassion. That is an amazing thing indeed.

Once the movie ended, I couldn't just stand up and leave. I sat through all of the credits, until they brought the house lights up and even then I wasn't ready to leave. Supe was waiting for me in the lobby. He wanted to talk about it right away, but I was still processing it.

Walking into the lobby was an assult on the senses. It was culture shock. Part of me wanted to stand in the middle of the food court and yell, "Hey all you people! Tacos, and pasta don't really matter! Didn't you know HE died for your sins? Hey you at the Verison kiosk, Wireless mobile doesn't really matter either! He died for you!" Of course I didn't do this, but the feeling to do it was powerful.

We got home and I began to clean the apartment. That's my cure for anything, cleaning. Once I had cleaned through some of my thoughts, I was able to sit down with Supe and talk about the film and the impact it had on me.

My first thought was that this was an innocent man and he did nothing to defend himself or protect himself. It should have been me. I should have been the one beaten bloody and hung on a cross. The amount of love this man had for, not just the people he knew at the time, but all mankind was and is simply amazing.

At the end I wondered why the only scars we still show on the reserected Jesus are the holes in his hands and feet. What happened to the 8 million other scars from the whips and beatings?

Anyway, Sunday was church and attending church after seeing The Passion is an amazing experience in itself. The worship songs have a whole new meaning with the memory of his beaten, bloody body still so fresh.

It was a good service. We are on the after service prayer team, so we went forward to pray with people and that was good too.

After church was a quick trip to the grocery store and then lunch at home.

Supe went out for about an hour to give me some much needed time to myself. We are learning that I really need that. When I am at work, he is home alone all day. When I get home at night and on weekends, he is always there, leaving me with little to no alone time. So in order to give myself some, I have been coming home and plopping in front of the TV, tuning him out.

Supe is the kind of guy who, when he thinks it, he says it. He processes stuff through talking. I process stuff through thinking and writing. He will talk and talk and talk without stopping. I will try to tune him out just to give myself some breathing room.

As you might have guessed, this wasn't working so well. We are working on a solution. One that involved 2 nights a week of no TV at all and at least 2 nights of Supe finding something else to do so I can have some alone time at home. We are hammering out the details now.

I forgot to mention this...we got a letter from Senator Mark Dayton, recommending us for the grant for the handicapped accessible van. This is one great letter, let me tell you. The awesome thing is, I didn't vote for this guy but I wrote letters to every single federal, state, and local official I could find an email address for. Mark Dayton's office is the only one who not only gave us help in locating an organization that could help us, BUT who did something tangible to help us get our foot in the door too. I don't know what November will bring, but I do know I will look long and hard at the other candidates running against Mark Dayton. If they don't measure up, they're gone. I don't normally affiliate myself with his political party, but I do vote for candidate, not for party. So far, Mark's my man.

In other news, I am trying to find us a house some way, some how. I don't know what that is, yet, but I'm going down every avenue and pulling every card from the hat. So, we'll see what happens.

I am trying to find my way back to being able to dream. Back before we were married and when we were first married, it was easy to dream...children, parenthood, first home, promotions, ministry, etc. Since Supe's diagnosis, the loss of his job, having to be in a hasn't been so easy to dream. I closed off that little part of my heart that allowed me to dream and now it hurts like hell to open it back up again. Like pealing off a bandaid that's all stuck in your hair and skin. Except I don't think I can just rip it and get it over's going to take a little more than that. -------------------------------------- About A Year Ago Today: March 14, 2003: "J" is for Joy and for the Journey we are on

Today's entry brought to you by Alphabytes and the letter "J" for Joy!

Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.

The expression or manifestation of such feeling.

A source or an object of pleasure or satisfaction: their only child, their pride and joy.

v. joyed, joy*ing, joys

v. intr.

To take great pleasure; rejoice.

v. tr. Archaic

To fill with ecstatic happiness, pleasure, or satisfaction.

To enjoy.

How can I not be filled with joy on such a day as this? It's 42 degrees right now, on its way to 50 today! Hints of spring are in the air. It's supposed to be 60 on Sunday and we could get our first thunderstorm of the season on Monday! I love March and April. Spring wrestles with winter until finally, winter gives up and goes on its way only to come back and try its hand with fall. The air smells clean and spring-like. The air is warm and breezy. The sun is a little higher, a little brighter and a little warmer. Oh it feels so good.

Also, Elizabeth Smart is home again. Isn't that just the best news? That poor girl. I agonized for her and her family after her abduction last June. And now she is back with her family. What an amazing story. They must be filled with Joy.

My husband had an echocardiogram yesterday. They thought maybe a corner of his liver might have some damage...maybe cirrhosis. They weren't sure but it was definitely different from the rest of the organ. He agreed to stop drinking in order to stop the damage from spreading. The damaged part won't heal, but it won't get worse either.

Apparently he had a rebellious youth and young adulthood and abused his body with drugs and alcohol. He had quit all that before meeting me, but the damage had already been done. So, That's a bummer.

He met with his doctor who took more blood but admitted she is stumped. They may refer him back to his neurologist, Dr. Peven. SB wanted to go there to begin with, but she's a specialist and you can't just call the specialist for anything. So, I guess the doctor is going to call SB on Tuesday with more info and a plan.

He is getting better. The swelling is going down and he is feeling a lot better. He is sleeping more at night and is able to get around without laboring so hard. So That's good.

I forgot to talk about the dreams I've been having lately. Don't know what is up, but I've been having weird dreams. Night before last, I dreamed that SB and I were getting married again. Not just reciting our vows, but getting married in full decked out regalia. It was so weird. We were in my hometown, getting married in the church where I used to go. For some reason I was downtown with a guy I used to baby-sit for. I realized we were late and while I had my dress and veil on, I did not have my makeup or hair done. The guy I used to baby-sit for, Dave, told me not to worry. He got one of those clothing racks on wheels and rode it like a skateboard with me riding on it. We were sailing down this really big hill when I realized what we were doing was illegal. Sure enough, a cop pulled us over. They took us to the station and told us we would be there a long, long time. I just lost it. I told them I couldn't stay there, I was getting married in an hour and wasn't ready yet.

In the dream, my mom showed up and started to put on my makeup but the cops got mad at her. Some how, we got out of there and were at the church getting ready. I was in the "bride's room" with the rest of the bridal party when we heard the beginnings of the bridal march. We got to the back of the sanctuary, but we couldn't find the aisle to walk down. It took so long to find it, that people began to leave. And there were THOUSANDS of people there. I couldn't figure out what the heck all those people were doing there. And while trying to find the aisle, I ran into the wife of the man I used to baby-sit for and had to apologize for getting her husband in trouble with the law. It was so weird. I started walking down the aisle and then I woke up.

Last night I dreamed I was snowmobiling. By myself on a snowmobile that wouldn't steer correctly. It would stick and I couldn't fix it or turn it another way so I was sledding into people and other sleds and traffic and stuff. Finally, I got it to work and ended up snowmobiling in a farmer's field. Somehow I ended up in his house and there were a bunch of people in there. I ended up playing with his kids and making friends with the farmer. He lived just down the road from my grandma's farm. I ended up having to clean up after his baby who had a dirty diaper and was getting it all over the floor. Woke up right after that.

See what I mean? Weird dreams. None weirder than the Sadam Hussein dream from the other night though.

So, there is joy today. And I think the biggest joy is knowing that we don't travel this path alone. We can claim joy even in the midst of sorrow because we believe in more than just this world and what it has to offer. We believe there is more to come. A better world, a better life, a better existence. We can claim the ultimate joy...the Joy of the LORD. It's joy in the midst of sorrow, relief in the midst of pain, and a firmer foundation than good health, good pay, a nice house, and great friends.

Thanks for reading. is a photo of our kitty Maisey in her new favorite spot. Enjoy.

11:51 a.m. - Monday, Mar. 15, 2004


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